Dreams of the Old . . .

[Eilonwy Solstice]

This is not strictly “my” adventure. Rather, it is Susan’s; as they say; I was just along for the ride. I realize that three months is not a very long time, but Will has been very insistent that I posted this come New Year’s, and Susan gave me her permission. Will proposed the event after Halloween ought to be written down. I also promised Susan I’d leave all the “gritty” details to her, if she chooses to share them. I haven’t compiled my thoughts on the matter entirely, but the ones I have organized, I type here. One of my new resolutions was to be more helpful to everybody, and I hope this does just that . . .


After the Funeral

Susan had endured the funeral stoically, not speaking a word throughout the entire eulogy. I didn’t have to extend my senses to feel her sorrow, anger, confusion, and other emotions not so readily decipherable; she exuded them in such vast quantities it was impossible not to feel them. The medium refused all offers to take her home; Susan preferred the bus.

Because James had, too.

I went with her up the steps to the bus with silent commiseration and sat beside her on the back row. Her anger flared up suddenly; I heard Rose and Shadowstalker follow us in, whispering to each other with sympathy in their hearts for her loss . . . our loss.

“Leave me the h--- alone!” She shrieked at Rose.

The medium’s hand was fused to my fingers, so I couldn’t let go her shoulder even if I had been inclined to. So I stayed with her while I heard Rose say something comforting to Susan and then practically drag Shadow off the bus. Other passengers gave us room. I don’t think anybody sat within two rows of us, preferring instead to stand. When Susan’s stop came, the Red Sea parted for us. We were the only ones to get off at this stop; any others thought it best to wait for the next one down the route. Su dragged her feet when we came to the sidewalk in front of her empty apartment.

Once inside, we sat on the sagging couch and simply held each other for many minutes. I admired her strength and courage in the face of his death, but feared that such bottling of her feelings would prove harmful. Nevertheless, I didn’t say anything. She rested her head against my chest and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist; I laid my cheek and jaw on top of her head, hugging her shoulders in both my arms, my fingers lightly stroking the back of her neck and the roots of her hair.

“Will you be all right?” I asked softly. “Do you want me to stay the night?”

“You know what?” she murmured angrily into my shirt. “I really don’t give a rat’s --- anymore. What’s the effing point? Yeah, stay wherever you want, I don’t care.”

I nodded and continued to hold her tight, rocking her gently and starting a lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I was very young.

“When the stars come out tonight,
I’ll be there, to hold you tight.
Don’t fear the shadows sight;
They are there to spread the Light . . .

Dear One, please,
Don’t take fright.
It’s just the moon,
Her eye is bright . . .”

Susan stirred inside my embrace. “Sing that again,” she maundered listlessly.

I sang it again. Susan’s breathing slowed, and her anger slowly dissipated into cottony inertness.

And then I fell asleep too.

[concrete_Angel]

I hate to say it, but I'm having a hard time remembering too much of the funeral. I just kept thinking about how my last family link was broken, and how this time, I really was alone. I had tried to contact...J...J...my brother the night before, but I wasn't even close to successful. Will wouldn't leave me alone all evening, either.

"Susan, please, I can not bear to witness this act of torture. You are in need of rest."

"No."

"This was not a question. I fear for your health, my dear. You have been acting quite peculiar ever since we left Raphael's care. Why do you insist upon punishing yourself for the actions of others?"

"Shut up, I need to concentrate."

"No, you need to stop acting quite so irrationally, and be willing to accept the assistance of others."

"Oh, look who's talking, Mr. 'I can handle the unholy demon by myself, so don't bother with even a gun' !"

"And you see what my impulsive nature has wrought! I do appear to be incorporeal, after all. Dying does that to a person. I'd prefer you not learn that lesson first-hand!"

"You KNOW I'm not going back there, so you can stop the bitching. I'm not facing that..."

"Raphael has done no wrong, and you were safe. You are merely endangering your life denying the assistance of a friend."

"Look, this has nothing to do with Shad, all right? I'll talk to Shad later. I just need to find out why...the last thing he said...look, I NEED to do this, OK? Just let me concentrate!!"

Will was quiet after that, but I know he was still watching me. All that mattered now was why. Why was that the last thing he said? After everything we've been through...

The next day was just noise and static for me. I only survived the funeral because of those emotions Ei felt so strongly. After I got back home, I was just so tired. The best thing for me was to just sleep. Maybe I wouldn't have to wake up. I could just stay asleep, give it all up, and just sleep. But no matter what, those words would never let me rest. Right before he died, those last words right before he closed his eyes for the last time...
"i'll...always love you......rose.........."

[Eilonwy Solstice]

Miss Eilonwy . . . awaken, please.

The mental prompting nudged, and my instincts quickly reacted, forcing my mind closed before I was even properly awake. I forced my barriers down and mentally spoke with him. “Will? What’s wrong?” But before he answered, I felt the trouble. Susan had rolled away in her sleep and was twitching in a dream, moaning broken phrases. “No . . . no don’t! . . . Please . . . just once?”

I crawled to her side and was surprised when my hands touched her shins, which kicked out spasmodically. If the position of her legs was any indication, Susan was sprawled half on and half off the sofa, her stomach and legs hooked onto the cushions and everything above her waist twisting on the floor.

“Su, wake up. You’re having a nightmare,” I leaned over and braced my right hand against the floor, shaking her shoulder urgently with my left hand. “Sue, please wake up!”

“NO!” she shrieked so loudly I cringed. Then she lurched back up on the couch, taking me with her by slamming an elbow against my throat. The small medium thrashed once, and then wrenched into a tight ball, trapping my hand inside a two-armed hug to her chest that surely had my hand turning purple.

“Will, what is going on?” I asked, keeping the frantic tone out of my voice and wincing slightly as she continued to crush my hand to her body.

She is more distraught than I have seen her for years, Miss Eilonwy. She is having a nightmare the likes of which I have never seen before.

I bit my tongue and nodded urgently, twisting with Susan as she yanked at my arm. “Please tell me how we can help her, Will. It’s urgent, I can sense her confusion and angst . . . .”

I apologize for being so forward, Miss Eilonwy, but it is time to take matters into our own hands. We . . . need to . . . enter her mind. Touch her temple with your left hand and take my hand with your right . . . .

I obeyed immediately, holding back my grunt when Su kicked me in the belly. I spread my palm and fingers over her cheek and temples and raised my right hand. Little prickles flashed through my skin like a combination of icy slush and the tingling of my funny bone being struck as Will took my hand.

Suddenly, my consciousness lunged forward like an abrupt drop on a Ferris wheel, and I found myself plunged into a dream. Blurry, misted vision opened up in my Mind’s Eye. I looked around and saw a bedroom, with two figures within. Will was floating beside me, his silvery face blushing in embarrassment as the scene played before our view. I turned my head away, but it was no use.

This . . . is disturbing. Will said in understatement.

“Will . . . we need to help her. This goes a lot deeper than you suspected, doesn’t it?”
I fear it does, Miss Eilonwy. I was unaware of this distressing situation.

“I’m here for her, Will. Let’s see if we can help Susan get through this.” We managed to exit the scene, wandering the barren halls of Susan’s mind.

I thank you for your assistance in this matter. Susanna has precious few female friends, as least few of a reputable nature. I believe issues of this, well, this type, may be better dealt with by another feminine influence.

I blushed, both at the compliment and upon leaving the scene behind. “I’ll do what I can, Will.”

Together, we forged ahead.

[GhostSpider]

I have a disturbing suspicion where this is going.

I hope i'm wrong.

[Koralth]

I don't have a clue and I still don't like where it's going... Susan, I'm real sorry - about everything.

[Hannah]

Hi Everyone,

I keep askin' Wie about this but she says she won't tell anything about it except here. Says some details are Sue's choice.

So who were the people in the room? What was so embarrassing?

Hannah

PS: You don't have ta answer Sue, but I'm tryin' ta figure this all out an' it would help.

[concrete_Angel]

Actually, I'm not really sure about that myself. there were some things Ei wouldn't say outright. I think my mind embarrasses her.

Oh, wait. Oh, shit, she saw that? Ei, it's not what you think, really!

[Kolya]

Actually, I'm not really sure about that myself. there were some things Ei wouldn't say outright. I think my mind embarrasses her.

Oh, wait. Oh, shit, she saw that? Ei, it's not what you think, really!

Huh?

[concrete_Angel]

It's personal, all right? It's nothing bad, just...not anyone's business.

[Kolya]

Fair enough, angel.

You were talking about personal things though.

[Eilonwy Solstice]

Fair enough, angel.

You were talking about personal things though.

Yes Kolya, we are. But it’s still her choice. And if you want to talk about it, Su . . . I’m here. And if you want to forget about it, that’s fine as well.



The scenery was dark and full of mist, with black walls rising into the air; it was more like a maze than anything else; more like corridors than walls. The scenery was so close together I could hardly breathe, and yet so far apart the edge of the horizon seemed close in comparison.

Will and I wandered through the halls, following an ethereal, sobbing echo that hung in the air like laundry out to dry. We both recognized it as Susan’s voice, though where it came from, we could only follow. As we progressed, the strange maze became more distinct, turning into gray-bricked granite with ivy tracings along the edges. Creepers reached out along the uneven mason-work like fingers . . . fingers that transformed into iron bars hanging out of the stone like broken bones. I couldn’t alter my Mind’s Eye as I would have liked . . . I couldn’t see the broken, twisted forms inside the cages that grew out of the walls like growths on skin. But . . . like any dream . . . I knew what the smallish, twisted, broken forms inside were.

I tried to ignore the birds . . . the animals . . . the children . . . all twisted into impossible poses, all not dead, but frozen and extreme agony. The cages Will, substantial as any human, gently took my arm and hurried me on.

There was nothing we could do to help them.

Then we reached an abrupt right hand turn, and immediately we found more creatures in cages . . . including a young blonde caught my attention like a gun; thin as straw and just as fair, I felt I should know her. Unlike the others, she was nearer to my own age, curled to a fetal ball, and her right hand clutched to her chest as though injured. Her pixie-ish face and blue eyes were wide in horror, staring straight ahead; her mouth was trembling with the sobbing she was making.

“Su? Su, is that you? Are you hurt badly? Just hang on, we’ll get you out of here . . .” I knelt down beside her and tried to reach inside, but the intricate bars wouldn’t let my fingers through. There were no locks, no doors to the cage.

Miss Eilonwy . . . Will warned me. I stood and backed up. Two . . . things in white lab coats, one armed with a clipboard, strode authoritatively past, directly in front of Susan, discussing something in a strange, garbled tongue. Will grabbed my arm and pulled me back when I made as if to step in front of them.

But they ignored her, and instead somehow opened the cage directly above her. The one with the clipboard marked things down as the other examined the pitiful creature, looking closely at the small thing, turning it in its hand while the other one took notes. There was a sharp crack as the thing snapped the neck of the creature. They finished the notes and walked away, continuing to speak as they left. Incensed but knowing they might be able to . . . “help,” I hollered in their direction. However, it was not them that replied to my shout, but Susan.

“What are you . . . what are you doing here?” She stared directly at me. I turned to face her. “Susan? Are you all right? What’s going on?”

“My arm,” she moaned, clutching her right shoulder. “I don’t know what they did to me . . . I can’t move it . . . Ei? Don’t let them see you! Please! They can’t get you!”

I tried comforting her, but her delirium took over her senses. “Please . . . make it stop . . . I can’t do this . . . mommy . . . help me mommy . . . .”

We couldn’t help her. The possibility of the scientist creatures returning hung like a millstone around my neck. I tried to stay calm as we searched for an opening into Susan’s cage. The fact that Will was nervous made me nervous. I cut myself on a barbed length of ivy. The scent of blood was unnaturally overwhelming, gathering about my senses as though to choke me with its rusty aroma.

And the shuffling, scraping noise that opened up behind our backs didn’t help matters, either.

[Ron Caliburn]

Having had my head probed by about half the membership I gotta say I agree with any wish on Sue's part to keep any of this quiet.

[Kolya]

I have personal stuff I don't talk about, too.

You misunderstood me.

[Eilonwy Solstice]

You misunderstood me.

A common, and unfortunate, stumbling block on this forum.



When I turned around, I went rigid in horror and shock. The thing drawing near us was large, green, covered in scales, and with familiar, crocodilian jaws gaping widely. I raised my cane, uncertain if I’d be able to get in a hit before it shredded me to bits. But it shuffled past us; somehow, it was several feet away, and then past us, as though I had dozed for a few seconds. I twirled around and almost hit it, but something in Susan’s eyes stopped me from dropping the blow. She looked calm . . . assured.

“Mommy . . .”

The creature was surprisingly gentle as it reached toward her. I’m not sure how, but the bars seemed to bend around it as though light swirling within water.

The scene started fading out like a camera . . . or water drizzling over a glass pane . . . my Mind’s Eye closed.

“Ei? Hey Ei, you okay?”

I woke to Susan’s urgent, rough shaking.

“Su?” I passed the heels of my hands along my eyelids. “What time is it? Where are we? What happened?”

“We fell asleep on the couch,” she said with uncertain fear, taking my hand to pull me up. “ . . . I can’t move my other arm!” Her voice was bright with alarm.

My intake of breath was a whisper in the quiet of the apartment. I climbed to my feet as she helped me with one hand.

“Your . . . right arm?” I ventured a scared guess and extended my hands and felt her right forearm. It was retracted against her chest as though in the throes of a monstrous cramp.

“Yeah,” she replied, sighing as I massaged her shoulder.

My head was aching; a line of fire had been etched along my—

Susan swore loudly. “Ei, what happened? Were you knifed before you got here? Why didn’t you tell me?” I winced when she pulled up my sleeve with her working hand and she winced as her right arm gave a twinge as she carefully prodded the jagged gash that stitched its way up my forearm, courtesy of the cage her dream persona had inhabited. “How did that happen?”

My answer was confused. “I think it was that nightmare . . . .”

[concrete_Angel]

Ei, again, I'm really sorry. I didn't think that would happen to you.

[Eilonwy Solstice]

It wasn’t your fault, Su. Besides, it’s barely a mark on my skin now.

I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to help you more . . . .

[concrete_Angel]

You helped me remember. That's a lot.