13 Freaky Facts About Friday the 13th

[Tms3]

Then why a clown, well it might help put children off guard not going be much help with cats....

if the rabbits not a poka what is it.... I trust you got blood samples?

[Cybermancer]

I'm sure that question will dominate the conversation if I ever see him again, Tms3.

[Gotham Witch]

I had a bit of foreshadow in my post that I didn't edit out, apparently.

As soon as I calm down a bit, I'll post a bit on it. It's been a long 24 hours.

[Hannah]

At least we got everyone back without any extra fur.

Hannah.

[Grace]

Mel? Hannah? What's going on?

[Gotham Witch]

I woke up to a splash of cold water. It goes without saying, I was not pleased.

Of course, when I realized I couldn't see or move, that was a bit more worrying.

"Rise and shine! Well, minus the shine part anyway." I heard a familiar voice cackle.

I tried to say something snarky. It came out as some muffled gasps. As I strained against my bindings, I realized I was wearing something very constricting, and apparently leather.

"Like your new outfit? Of course you do." the clown rambled insanely, as if I had some kind of response,"I got your measurements from looking at your clothes when I took you out of your home."

I mmphed rather indignantly. From what I could tell, he had used duct tape to pin my arms to my chest and my legs together at the ankles. I was also apparently attached to a table or slab of some sort.

I heard him prance off to the next room, a heavy metal door slamming shut briefly. With him gone, I took a moment to assess my situation. The last thing I remember was going to bed, so apparently he had kidnapped me out of my own damn house when I was asleep somehow. I was physically restrained, and I couldn't see anything - oh, and gagged, of course.

In short, I was screwed.

I heard the door creak open, with the sound of something being squeakily wheeled in. There was some terrified meows, followed by me sneezing, hard.

Cats. He was wheeling in cats. Besides making my allergies go insane, why would he have wheeled in cats?

"This might get a bit loud. But you'll get used to it, trust me. I heard him say with a cackle, patting me on the shoulder before moving off to the side of the room.

I heard the rustling of some objects and the jangling of what sounded like a cage, before there was a desperate feline wail, followed by some gurgling and the mangling of flesh - it sounded like was mutilating a cat.

Between sneezes, I gulped, and I think I started to panic.

[Nemesis]

What happened, Auntie Mel? Was he planning on glueing the cat fur onto you?

[Gotham Witch]

I tried to ignore the wail of distressed felines and screams of dying ones for awhile as I struggled to figure a way out. The leather and tape were bloody hot, and wherever we were was humid and... underground smelling. I was guessing we were somewhere in one of the tunnels crisscrossing New York City. I couldn't feel vibrations from passing subway traffic as a giveway though - not that I could anyway with all the leather i was wearing.

I sort of lost track of time between dying cats and trying to think of a way out when eventually I felt him grab the tape around my mouth and yank it off painfully. I remember cursing briefly before feeling him jam something in my mouth - it was turkey.

I gagged and spit it out, glaring in what I thought was his direction, "What in the hell are you doing?"

"A cat's got to eat, and you don't seem much of a hunter."He said calmly, before grabbing my jaw with a vicelike grip and jamming some more turkey into my mouth."It's not enchanted. That part comes later. Now eat or I'll use the funnel with the candy cane stripes.

I wasn't sure if he was joking. I also didn't have a choice. I swallowed the (I admit, decent tasting) turkey.

"Much better. You'll make a fine cat as soon as you get a taste for prey - and maybe a little bell collar."He noted, before adding,"I'll need to get one of those for you.

"What are you talking about? I'm not a damn cat. I'm allergic to cats!"

"Will you be allergic to yourself then as a cat-woman? he pondered aloud.

"I don't want to find out." I said politely - if not with some agitation.

"It will be for science!" he declared, petting me on the head, "The discredited alchemical branch of science, that creates cat-human hybrids and the platypus - okay, that one is a joke. Nobody on this planet could have thought that one up."

"I'm starting to dislike science." I responded, before adding somewhat sarcastically, "And duct tape chafing."

"Really, Alchemy is where magic and science meet." The clown began to ramble, pacing around my table, "Let me tell you, there is a long history of alchemy as a science for all sorts of reasons - religious, medical, practical - heck, one time I slipped a potion into this Vizer's wine to give him a pig tail - and nose... and hooves. But the pharaoh was okay with it."

I paused, "Pharaoh?"

"Yeah, you know, sons of Horus Re - or Ra. I don't remember what archaeologists say these days. It's all wrong anyway."

"You've got to be joking." I said incredulously.

"Probably. But you'll never know." He responded cheerfully, leaning in close. I could feel his breath on me, and it didn't smell great,"I could be joking and trying to trick you when I say something from the great unknown touched me one day when I was looking for the secret to create the divine on Earth - you'll just have to find out soon enough"

I suppressed a chill. He wasn't quite as inane as he came off as before, that was clear.

"How about you practice your purring?" He asked, while continuing to feed me turkey.

"I don't want to. Anyway, why are you murdering cats to do this?" I asked, rather short with him.

"You know how you squeeze an orange, you get the juice out?" He asked.

I gulped and nodded, as he continued, "Well, if you squeeze a cat just the right way, and hard enough, the essence comes out. It works best if you have a pregnant cat about to give birth."

I just sat there in silence a moment, rather horrified. He continued, speaking rather academically.

"You ever seen what's left of an orange after it's been made into pulped juice? You're basically left with a peel."

"Dear God, why are you hurting cats?" I shouted at him.
He sighed, and jammed some more turkey into my mouth, "I thought we covered that. Anyway, I don't need to murder many more for this. I've been at this awhile, you know."

I choked down some more turkey as I asked, "How many have you killed?"

"For this, or total?" he asked. That response sort of stunned me, as he then answered, "For you? About 9000."

"That is sick." I said flatly, slightly more aghast than terrified. Trust me, I was pretty scared - but I wasn't going to show it.

I hoped.

"I remember the Pharaohs used to have me create one priestess to Bast a generation - perfect figure, tail, nails, ears, eyes, - the works. Of course, a generation back then was a lot shorter than today." He continued to ramble as he ignored my words, "So really, this is a great honor for you - assuming you survive - Only about one in a hundred do, and I've never tried it on a non-virgin before."

I think I blushed as I hmphed. I don't remember. I was too busy trying to figure out how to take out a crazy, clearly supernatural being who had been around for awhile, and who was quite lucid despite being crazy as hell. There were few Egyptian records on any sort of alchemy, so it's possible he was lying.

Of course, archaeology sometimes gets things wrong.

"...how many tries have you had?" I asked after a moment.

"Well, it's been an unlucky generation. You're actually attempt number.... let's see.... there were those girls from the Congo.... and the ones I adopted from China.... I had a lot of hope for the batch from Thailand.... I think you're number 113."

I gulped, before adding, "...and they all died?"

"It's been an unlucky generation." He said with a sigh."Eh. I was thinking that the attempt to rescue you might provide me with candidates more likely to survive the process."

I distinctly paled at that. He was using me as bait.

"Why didn't you just try and grab one of them?" I asked hesitantly.

"And you call me insane." He chided."You put up less of a fight than the scary blonde and the angry looking black haired one. Besides, you give me a bargaining chip for a better offering for Bast."

"Nobody worships Bast anymore. The pharaohs are long gone" I noted tersely, sneezing once again.

"I know. I sure don't worship her. I just did my job. He said as he walked back towards the sound of panicking cats.

"Then why the hell are you doing this?" I asked, demanding an answer as I strained against the tape.

"Because I'm crazy and dressed like a clown, duh. Even you should be able to deduce that." He said with utmost cheerfulness as I heard a cat wailing and flailing in his arms, followed by a very audible crushing of bones.

I figure it would be a bit before Hannah, Jinx, or anyone else noticed I was gone. But I realized I needed to hurry and try and get out before he found himself a more 'suitable' candidate.

[Grace]

I'm never going to be able to enjoy a circus again.

What happened next?

[Gotham Witch]

Did you ever really enjoy the circus, Red?

I'll fill in the last part in a bit.

[Gotham Witch]

I am not sure how long I was down there.

I vaguely remember him mentioning something about preparing for guests and getting something to 'powder his nose with' before I heard the door slam. There were still a few mewling, agitated cats in the room, and between sneezes, I was sort of beginning to doze off.

Ideas for escape had not been forthcoming. The tape holding my arms in place was somewhat loose with sweat, but it'd have taken a lot of work to tear it loose without him noticing.

I was very close to breaking down in tears and frustration when I heard the crackle of magic, followed by the faint scent of brimstone and the renewed angry hissing of cats.

"Hey Mel, I hope now isn't a bad time but..." I heard a familiar voice speak, before asking,, "Is this a bad time? I can come back after you're done being lewd with... wait, where is this?"

"...hello Maddie. I don't know where we are. Some deranged clown with a cat-girl fetish kidnapped me and wants to make me attempt 113." I said matter of factly.

"...so, I should come back later?" Maddie asked again. I think I heard amusement in her voice.

"...just please get me out of this before he comes back." I requested with a sigh.

"Ohhh fine." The deevil sighed as she removed my blindfold. I winced a bit as I had trouble focusing, squinting to make out Maddie's face as my eyes adjusted to the light.

"You look awful." She noted matter of factly.

"Without glasses, so do you." I said wryly. I didn't tell her at the time, but I was rather glad to see her for once, "Why are you here?"

"Because we still have business, and I honor agreements"She responded as if that was all there was to it.

Maddie had just began to cut the restraints along my chest to free my arms before the large metallic door I heard before flung open, followed by a gasp.

"How did you get in here and what are you doing with my cat?" shouted the clown.

"The mortal is mine, clown."Maddie said possessively.

I watched the blurry outline of the clown give Maddie a good hard stare, before bursting out in laughter.

"You deevils always stick your tails where they don't belong - that joke practically wrote itself" He mused, "Maybe instead of a cat, you'd like a nice bird instead?"

As he said this, he reached into his lavender coat and pulled out - get this - a rubber chicken, before baseball pitching it at Maddie's head faster than I thought you could fling a rubber bird. Maddie didn't even blink as she shifted slightly to the right, the bird hitting the far wall and exploding softly before a section of concrete began to dissolve with the lovely aroma of sulfur.

"I guess that joke was a g-." The clown's words were cut off as Maddie literally vanished, before reappearing in front of the clown as she clocked him right in the nose, sending him flying through the doorway and straight into a wall in the next room with the shattering of masonry.

This was immediately followed by the crackle of lightning as Maddie dove into the next room after him, cursing in languages mortals weren't meant to know. Moments later, I could hear insane laughter and gunshots in response, as the fight of the century began.

That all left me alone in the room with several remaining pregnant cats and some bonds to break.

[Gotham Witch]

I was alone in a room full of alchemical chemicals and cats, still mostly taped to a table, it was dark, and I was myopic.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down - and so I'd sneeze again to keep myself from freezing up. I didn't have time to panic, and I really didn't want to die in a room full of cats.

I felt where Maddie had begun cutting at the tapes along my wrists, and began to twist as hard as I could against the tear. Moving was a bit difficult after being literally immobile probably for nearly a day. The explosion in the other room followed by the explosion of fireballs gave me plenty of adrenaline to encourage me.

After a couple tries, the tape ripped away, giving me enough elbow room to free my arms and sit up. Looking around as I pulled the tape away from my legs, I felt like I was in a torture chamber in the Fuhrerbunker. The concrete ceiling was rather low, with rust marks where the rebar had corroded. I saw a bonesaw shining in the low incandescent light of the room on a table full of other surgical and butchery implements, most of which looked like they needed sterilizing.

Looking in the other corner, I saw several rows of chicken wire cat cages, some terrified felines looking for a way out. Next to hem, I could see the bloody remnants of fur and bone sitting in a bin, next to a complicated apparatus of copper tubes, glass beakers, wires, and a large... masher. It was like a meat-grinder meets a copper liquor still. I could still make out some cat fur along what looked like a round meat hammer.

I figure there was probably something of note in here that might be useful against the clown. Steadying myself, I focused and took a good 'look' around.

Something they don't tell you about using magic to sense the magic or the supernatural - it makes you feel a lot closer to what you're sensing than what is comfortable. It isn't like looking through fancy goggles. It's much more personal. Imagine, if you will, being in a room that is suddenly crowded with bright, multi-colored lights shoved right in your eyes while loud polka meets industrial music is blaring inside your head. And to top it off, you could feel those lights submerging you and making you feel claustrophobic, like someone shoving you face first into a glowing ball pen and then preventing you from getting out.

It was a lot like that.

The beaker next to the cat-distiller had a rather... sickly aura to it, as did a lot of the other vials stashed about. Thankfully, the plate of turkey that he had been force feeding me was mundane. I chalked up the lethargic feeling to not sleeping much for the past day or so - damn cats.

Speaking of, I sensed the movements of something spectral. In the corner of the room, I could a wispy, feline silhouette, magical in nature peering at me with glowing eyes. Likely, it had warned Clownface when Maddie showed up, which explains why he was able to arrive back in time. I had seen a few of these before - magical watch animals, if you will, usually requiring the sacrifice of an animal.

Two guesses where said animal probably came from in this case.

In the other room, I could feel various magical effects being tossed around - mostly from Maddie's hand, I gather. It was hard to focus properly on what exactly was being used though - there were just too many auras all around me.

I pulled myself back to my surroundings as I heard a loud, booming noise and saw Maddie fly back into the room, hitting the far wall and landing face first with a groan.

"Silly deevil. I protected myself from anything the blonde could have thrown at me. What makes you think any of that could work?" the clown gloated as he marched back in, tossing an a now bent, previously enchanted vuvusuela to the ground as he walked right past me. Maddie had really wrecked him - his clothing was mostly blackened, his face was bloody, and he was missing some hair. His pale self was still moving just fine though.

And his aura... ugh. I really wish I hadn't been attuned to looking at such things that moment, because there was nothing human about it. Chaotic swirls of pinks, blues, reds, and pinks, that start to seem patterns, only to disperse and then reform patterns yet again. Imagine looking at the storms of Jupiter from orbit. Not only are these storms large enough to swallow whole lesser planets, but the surface of the planet seems to fisheye your field of vision, as if his presence is just so massive.

Nearly overwhelmed, I let my vision shift back to normal, the cacophony of auras fading. Still, tt will be a long time before I ever forget that sight.

He paused to look at me, giving an evil, bruised smile as I saw his gloved hand reaching in his coat, "There you are kitty, I was just ready for you. It turns out that since cats have nine lives, I didn't need to murder as many as I thought I did..."

Reaching over behind me in a panic, I grabbed the first big thing I could - a large, heavy pipe. Heartily, he chuckled as he slipped his hand from his pocket, something long and pointy in his hand.

I distinctly remember feeling like I was doomed. Of course, that's when I saw Maddie quietly sitting up, glaring menacingly at the clown as he approached me.

"Oh come now, kitty Don't be difficult. It'll just be like going to vet, it won't hurt a biiaaaagh!" The clown screamed in pain as Maddie's spell overcame him. In my head, I imagined green, ethereal razor wire wrapping up his limbs and body, dragging him downwards as every nerve in his body was lit up with napalm.

As he doubled over, I could see the object in his hand was a large, painful looking syringe full of murky looking cat essence. Glaring at me desperately, he staggered forward, eager to finish his task once and for all.

Things become a bit of a blur after that.

I vaguely remember him swinging at me, moving faster than any mortal being dragged down by an agony enchantment should have been. I remember leaping back and out of the way, and the jarring feeling as I swung my pipe.

By the time I was quite aware of what was going on, the clown was laying in the corner, wheezing. Wide eyed, I saw that his syringe had embedded itself in his side, likely from when I struck him with the pipe, its contents drained into his body.

"...that's not funny." he wheezed briefly, before beginning to convulse in pain, doubling over as he rolled to his knees. Somehow, I knew it wasn't just from the agony spell that point.

I felt a certain sinking in my gut - I think I had just condemned him to a slow, agonizing death.

[Gotham Witch]

There was a light blast from the other room - entry explosives, I remember - followed by a series of footsteps.

As I looked up from the writhing Clown, I witnessed Jinx run in, carbine in hand, followed by Hannah and Cybermancer.

"Mel!" Jinx shouted as she ran over, hugging me tight. Hannah squeaked, doing much the same.

"Thank goodness you're safe!" she said. I nodded, rather stunned as my eyes remained affixed to the clown.

As I watched, the clown smiled up Matt with a chuckle. Maddie by this point had gotten back up, limping over to the clown with clenched fists as if about to knock his head straight off of his shoulders. That's when the clown looked at her and then to Matt, saying plainly "I surrender."

"Excuse me?" Matt responded, arching a brow as he kept his pistol trained on the jester.

"Oh, don't... ah... be funny, scientist." he wheezed laboriously with a grin, "I give up. I surrender. That... means you have to capture me! That's what good guys do, right? Awful funny, isn't it?" He managed a laugh even as I heard a crunching of bones as he doubled over slightly, the elixir apparently beginning to do... something.

"Let me get this straight. You want to be taken to jail after everything you've done?" Matthew asked in some disbelief, clenching his pistol.

The clown laughed in delight, continuing to giggle despite everything going on as he spoke, "It'll be hilarious! I'll... be in jail for murder and kidnapping, but what's a bit of incarceration, really? I'll meet a bunch of new friends! And then... hehe, you know what will happen?"

"No. What?" Matt asked, watching him warily.

"I'll escape and do it all again, because the good guys don't kill!"he said with an insane laugh, clutching his chest even as I saw his limbs beginning to deform strangely beneath his jacket.

I was about to say something before there was a burst of gunfire, the figure jerking rapidly. I glanced over in surprise as I saw Jinx training her carbine on him. the barrel smoking. He stared down at the entry wounds in his chest before staring up at us, bursting out in laughter - almost as if this was exactly how he wanted it to happen.

I looked up to see her with a cold, furious look as she opened fire again on full auto, the rapport partially blinding me to the results. What should have dropped a normal human simply made his frame stagger, the clown continuing to give a gurgling laugh even as 5.56mm rounds ripped through his chest bloodily.

I remember finally looking away as Matt lifted his Glock, joining her as he unloaded the entire clip messily. After another 10 seconds or so, I heard a bodily mass hit the ground with a sickening noise before the room was silent.

The rest of it all was even more blurry, my mind just a bit too overwhelmed from the day's events. Jinx - or was it Hannah, I have trouble remembering - escorted me out of the tunnels and back to the street level, before taking me home. I apparently fell asleep on the way home, since I woke up in my bed around 2 in the afternoon the next day, a bit surprised and relieved that I wasn't still tied to a table.

I heard later that Matt stayed behind with Maddie, scouring through what was left of the lab. The clown had apparently turned to dust shortly after being killed, leaving nothing but a tacky suit and some dangerous prank items. I'm not sure we'll ever exactly ascertain what he was, but there is enough relief in knowing he's gone.

Oh, and the cats were given to an animal shelter. If anyone's looking for a cat, I know a good place.

[Nemesis]

I suppose it's the correct thing that the cats were spared and put into a shelter so they can be adopted.

Still, creatures touched by the Dark Things are often left tainted. One must wonder how exposure to this 'clown' may have effected the unborn kitties. Then again, they might make excellent familiars.

While killing does not make me squeamish, I am concerned that whatever this clown was welcomed such a fate. It may have been better to let the transformation run it's course. Though doubtless it would have been unimaginably painful.

Based on the narration, I am curious about motivations. Was the Clown entities death a mercy, vengence or justice?

I hear Papa stirring so I better end this here.

-Cynthia

[Eilonwy Solstice]

Something they don't tell you about using magic to sense the magic or the supernatural - it makes you feel a lot closer to what you're sensing than what is comfortable.

That’s . . . a fair description of my psychic abilities when I Open myself, too.

Mel, I think I understand now why you were so distracted last week. I’m sorry; had I known this sooner, I would have waited, at the least, before calling and asking for your help. I was hoping that French diner would have helped . . . probably didn’t though, did it?

Still, thank you for all your help.

[Cybermancer]

I trust you are recovering from your ordeal, Mel. For myself, I'm glad that whatever this clown was, it has been dealt with and can be safely left in the past.

Though I do wonder if what it was attempting to do to you was in any way related to rabbit of unusual size I faced earlier? I guess we'll never know.

[Gotham Witch]

My best guess? I think he was trying a repeat of the bunny experiment - only with feline essence instead of rodent, and with me as the lab cat.

I am doing a lot better after a couple sleepless nights. I've only had one or two nightmares so far.

PS: Wie, lunch helped a lot actually. Thank you again for the company.

[Eilonwy Solstice]

You’re welcome, Mel.

[Ron Caliburn]

You know, I used to get a fair bit of flak about my methods around here.

Good to see that some have learned.

[Hannah]

I was thinking that I was surrounded by people acting like you Dad.

Hannah

[Cybermancer]

There is a time for all things. Including a time for the extermination of irredeemable evil that has proven to be a continuing threat to human life.

Nor can I claim not to be sympathetic to Jinx's motivations. Because there is also a time to eliminate threats to those we love.

Really, it's already been said far more poetically than I can express.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

[Grace]

You don't need to justify anything, Cyber. I for one applaud what you and Jinx did and your reasons for doing it.

So pretty poetry aside, how does that make you feel?

Anyway Mel, I'm glad you're alright. If you need anything, let me know, okay? Actually, maybe Cynthia and I will drop by this weekend.

[Gotham Witch]

King James, Cyber? Really? NRSV or NIV are way better - though being it's the same oddly edited book, I suppose that's relative

Red - Thank you, and drop by if you both feel like. I've been taking the last week sort of easy so there should be nothing planned.

[Daichan]

Aw. I go on a trip to the mountains with Sparks and wind up missing all the fun.

I totally would have stopped this clown from kidnapping you, Mel!

It would have been epic. Anything that could go toe to toe with Maddie and then take a burst to the gut would definitely make for an interesting fight.

Oh, and I can't wait to meet Nemesis this weekend. My bro told me all about her.

[Grace]

It was good to meet you, Diachan.