Only family are allowed to see him at this time, so I leave it to you to decide whether this is the ranting of a crazy man or a cover-up of the truth. My own experience with this man (whose identity I leave out in sympathy for his family) has been that he is eminently sane and reliable. That said, I think we all know that circumstance and the sudden onset of mental illness can change a person overnight.
– RJM-84
I know it’s a popular belief that the authorities are in cahoots to disregard and ignore anything unexplained or paranormal. It’s true that the general level of disbelief is high on the job, but I never knew about any conspiracy. That being said, I knew even the strangest stuff needs to be written up, documented and filed away. Our government’s not so blind or that entrenched in denial to turn a complete blind eye to the inexplicable. That means reports of UFOs, vampires, monsters, magic and you name it usually gets written up by the officer who takes the report. That’s no big deal, even if there are dozens of alleged eyewitnesses. What is a big deal is when a police officer has an encounter with the unexplained.
I only know about this because I recently had an incident involving a creature my debriefers referred to as the Woodcarver and a Wooden Man. Do a little checking of your own, the Woodcarver is covered in Lazlo Agency files, though there’s not a lot of data on this thing: A homicidal maniac, possibly a demon or some type of unknown Tectonic Entity. It appears in human form and commands 1-6 human-sized puppets with blades for fingers. It first appeared on the scene in 1957, and its main range of activity seems to be Maine to Minnesota and southern Canada. No one knows why, but the thing seems to disappear for several years at a time, the last sighting being Mississauga, Ontario, 2001, and prior to that, Michigan and Ohio in 1984. But this is all after the fact research. At the time, I thought I was dealing with a serial killer, until I caught one of the Wooden Men eviscerating a victim with the Woodcarver watching a few feet away. He’s one ugly S.O.B., too. I’m told I may be the only person to ever get a good look at the Woodcarver. I guess that’s why the FBI was all over me for debriefing. Thing is, I’ve worked with Federal Agents, and these guys struck me as spooks; CIA or NSA, maybe. Not that it really matters.
What bothered me is my report went on a form I’d never seen or heard of before, a DR-1313 Form. I also heard it referred to as a Dark Room file. I did a little digging and this what I found out.
Word is the FBI, maybe even the CIA or NSA, wants to know about weird and unexplained incidents, especially those involving creatures and law enforcement. I suspect this is because law enforcement is trained to take note of details and report what they saw clearly, concisely and without bias. The officer involved in said incident is told to write it up in as much detail as possible, no matter how strange and outlandish it may sound. Leave nothing out. You write it up on this DR-1313 incident report, and you don’t talk about it again. Not ever. If it really shook you up, they’ll send you to tell someone and he writes the report based on your verbal account. And when an officer gets killed under really weird circumstances, someone still writes a report. One report that talks about “died under unusual circumstances” or with some plausible cover story, and a separate DR-1313 report with all the actual weird stuff and monsters. The document is then given to the station captain who makes a copy for the Feds, marks it restricted, and files it in what is called the “Dark Room.” Once it is secured in the Dark Room, no one outside of the station can ask to see it, regular civilians, media, politicians and police included. Once it enters the Dark Room, it is sealed and unavailable except to, I don’t know who. Federal Agents? When I asked about it, I was told to forget I ever made the report, ever saw them, and to keep my nose out of affairs that didn’t concern me.
I’ve learned the Dark Room is usually an old, out of the way, supply closet without a doorknob and secured by a deadbolt lock. Who has the key, I don’t know. The captain and the Feds I assume. The door is usually blocked/concealed by a large piece of furniture, like a file cabinet or shelves, but easy enough to get to when it is needed. If the files outgrow this storage area, they’re relocated to a larger room.
The reports themselves look pretty average: a plain folder with a case number and date on the outside. Some are thin, most are about ten or so pages, but others can be 40 or more. There are always multiple sets of initials on the inside front cover. The strange part is the pages of all of the reports have unusual markings on them. Sometimes a series of letters or numbers or both, or even strange words. The smaller reports usually have pages with notations like “nut case,” “known drunk,” “unreliable,” “not confirmed,” “refer to G,” or some other letter, or a short letter and number combination.
The politicians and media are never told about these reports, the Dark Rooms, or the involvement of the Feds. If somebody does come snooping around, the captain has a private talk with him and he is then shown out.
Well, you know me Bob, that’s begging me to do a little snooping. From what I can tell, only a handful of people in charge know about the Dark Room, where it is located and what it contains. Only the head honchos and guys like me who learn about it by happenstance. I get the impression every precinct or precinct headquarters has one. My debriefers told me not to think about it, much less talk about it or the Woodcarver. After my incident report, I had to sign a piece of paper that shuts you up thereafter. I was also told I did an admirable job, that strange stuff has no place in the mind of the average police officer, to forget about all of this like it never happened, and to continue to do my job. They’d take matters from here.
I hope I’m not putting myself at risk, but I thought the secret files of the Dark Room and the spooks involved are something the Lazlo Agency should know about. There’s a rumor about a few officers who went snooping into strange cases and asked too many questions about the Dark Room. Word is two ended up dead on the street and one disappeared after a nervous breakdown, but you know how rumors are. I could not verify any of this. Technically, even my knowledge of the Dark Room is hearsay. I’ve never seen it and don’t really know if it’s real or not. I plan on doing a little, careful snooping around the station house. Finding a door with no knob can’t be that difficult.
I’ll keep you posted on what I find out. Please let me know if you have heard anything like this in the past. I didn’t see anything in the Lazlo data files.
21st Century Astral Cop
