Walkabout

[GhostSpider]

I've been thinking about something Skeptic said, about me going underground to avoid suspicion, so I decided to make this little thread. I'll try to keep everyone at least semi-regularly updated as to my whereabouts.

I'm still not combat worthy. Believe it or not, Karlash has been suprisingly supportive of my decision to abstain from battle.

Dinner's almost ready, got to go. Having spaghetti. Trying regular food for a change.

[Eilonwy Solstice]

I’m glad, Konrad. Good luck.

[Shang Li]

Thank you again for getting me out of the city, Mr. Konrad. It is wonderfully peacefull here, I hope that I am able to be as much a help to you as the assistance you have given me.

[Natasha]

Good luck, man.

[Bearshaman]

Good luck GS, keep yourself well.

[GhostSpider]

So Shang and I worked on meditation techniques today.

Can't say that its for me, but it has helped me with something else. I've learned that with a calm and focused mind, I can percieve the empathic field that surrounds me, and allows me to feed on the emotions of those near me. I never knew exactly how my empathic vampirism "worked", so this was a surprise discovery for me.

Shang was quite pleased with this. He thinks, and I quite agree, that with more time I might be able to learn how to manipulate this field.

[Shang Li]

You are making good progress GhostSpider. meditation is after all the basis for controlling ones mind - something that is essential to anyone who spends much time here unless I miss my guess.

Well I am going to go again, a swim sounds good to me, I hope I know how.

[Clarity]

_____Hi, Mr. Shang. If you forgot, maybe you can ask Hannah how to swim. She’s really good.

[Shang Li]

Mr. Ghostspider's meditiations go well, he can select which emotion to "feed" on, we are still working on reducing the effect of strong outside emotions.

I have carved myself a pair of boken, and resumed my training with the blades. I marvel at how quickly my body is changing out here, I did not think that this degree of muscle tone would arrive untill after puberty.

[GhostSpider]

I think I've been in denial ever since Belladrox and I "bonded".

After it happened I so desperately wanted for things to go back to the way they were that I ignored, or downplayed, the changes I had gone through. I mean I knew I was an empathic vampire, but deep down, I didn't want to accept it. So I ignored the effect every emotion, every feeding had on my psyche. Then came my trip to Chicago, and my coming face to face with the overwhelming misery and despair of that slave room. At that point, my carefully constructed facade collapsed, and the roiling storm that had been brewing in my mind was set loose. My behavior during that time has been documented, and so it should be.

As I've peeled away every layer of defense I've erected around the truth I've come to the realization that Konrad Andreas, as he was, dissapeared as surely as Belladrox did that day in Venice. Now all that is left is me. I think I need to find out just who I really am.

[Shadowstalker]

If you need any help, just call.

[Ron Caliburn]

Theres been plenty said between you and I Ghost and no need to rehash this or get into I told you so's.

But I'll tell you something else. I've fought the parts of me I didn't want to be. I lost for a long time, mostl I win now, but I still haev bad days. While my demon comes in bottles, it's still as much a part of my mind as your demon is yours.

Maybe that's why I'm so hard on folks like you, I know how hard it is to control something that is a very human thirst. The thought of being able to control an inhuman thirst . . . well I don't think it's entirely possible.

Anyway, the point is, there are people who are in similar enough situations, even if the facts of it are quite different. A key part of what your going through involves looking inwards, but people sometimes need help with that.

[Shang Li]

It is truely possible to control and deny one's own nature. I have witnessed good men pushed into performing inhumanities that would make your blood run cold as ice, Mr. Caliburn. I have also seen those who would be considered "monsters" act in a much more humane, a much more heroinc fashion than most humans, those Like Ms. Darken.

The scars from witnessing the former shall never truely fade, but those of the latter catagory remind me that there is yet hope for us all in the dark days to come.

[DarKnyht]

Everyone battles their own demons (granted most of us don't do so as literally as GS is). These things like the darkness provided by our lies and walls we put up to deny the truth. Behind them they grow and fester, slowly eating away at your soul and changing you. You eventually become a person trapped by the fear of the truth coming out.

But the reality is that the greatest weapon you have against it is the truth provided by admitting the those very shortcomings and failures. The second greatest is not being too proud to ask for help when you need it. I am glad to see you are trying to do both. I know it isn't an easy road to travel and I admire your bravery (and anyone else's) for doing so.

[Shang Li]

From the way teh spirits and chi are blended, Konrad's imprisonment of Belladrox was far more complete that the chains of magic that bound my former guest. My former guest is largely inconvenienced by the lack of inhabitable bodies, as well as the nature of the temple where my bones lie among the rubble.

Instead of using a series of chains and wards, as I did, GhostSpider has actually become one with Belladrox, and of the personalities involved, Konrad is the stronger when he sets his mind to maintaining control. (How much of that is due to long term use of his amazing sword I do not know, but it definately had an effect)

I am working on going through what fragments of Belladrox's memories are presnt, as well as some of his darker thoughts (never many at once, and only when Konrad is in total control). In addition to giving a little insight as to how such a being thinks (a human lifespan, truely is a blink of an eye to it, a "short term" plan takes centuries), this also allows a greater deal of controll, the first step to suppressing urges that are not your own, is figuring out which are which, something that Konrad is getting remarkably adept at.


I do not know if it is Karlash, Belladrox, or Konrad, but in the time I have walked this earth, I have never seen one try harder, or with faster successes, to control the bodies natural responses to emotions.

[GhostSpider]

It's time to get moving, I think.

I have questions that need answers, and I'm not going to find those answers here. I do know where to start though.

Its time to go see an old "friend".

[Natasha]

Weird, perhaps, that I had a dream last night which involved GhostSpider. And today he posts something.

As always, GS, contact me if you think I can help you in any way whatsoever.

Good luck.

[GhostSpider]

You had a dream about me??

Was it good or bad?

Anywho, its good to hear from you Natasha. When you see Kolya, tell him I may be contacting him in the future. I have some apologizing to do, and I have business in Russia.

[Natasha]

It was just weird. You were faceless but I knew that it was you and you were reciting to me some extinct language that was only ever spoken in central Siberia.

I hope that your business in Russia allows us to cross paths.

[GhostSpider]

That's odd...really odd. I was talking to you?

[Natasha]

That's odd...really odd. I was talking to you?

Yip. There's only 30 minutes of actual audio of the language but I knew what it was - such is the case in dreams sometimes.

Weird and odd. Odd and weird.

[Clarity]

That's odd...really odd. I was talking to you?

Yip. There's only 30 minutes of actual audio of the language but I knew what it was - such is the case in dreams sometimes.

Weird and odd. Odd and weird.

_____Is there a difference between “Weird and odd” and “Odd and weird,” Ms. Natasha? And did you record it?
_____P.S. I’m just curious.

[Natasha]

That's odd...really odd. I was talking to you?

Yip. There's only 30 minutes of actual audio of the language but I knew what it was - such is the case in dreams sometimes.

Weird and odd. Odd and weird.

_____Is there a difference between “Weird and odd” and “Odd and weird,” Ms. Natasha? And did you record it?
_____P.S. I’m just curious.

No difference, really, I'm just making an emphasis. He recited the audio of the language which we have perfectly.