Death by ice cream

Natasha · Post by **Natasha** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 1:40 pm

This happened to Bert recently. He wrote it but is unable to post at the moment, so I though I would share.

Molly and I walked to get Ice Cream one day while we were in D.C. We were
about a block away from the parlour after getting our ice cream when six men
in bright orange windbreakers and ski masks surprised us. I didn't know how
they had until afterwards when I saw the ropes hanging off the buildings;
they evidently got the drop on us quite literally.

They were packing sawed off shotties and the element of surprise. We had...
Ice Cream. Well, I had Ice Cream and Rainbow Jimmies but I didn't think
colorful sprinkles were going to be of much use.

I jammed my ice cream cone down the throat of the nearest man and he choked
on it. Then I grabbed Molly and tossed her tup to the nearby fire escape and
she went scrambling up to get away.

I spun out of the way of a shotgun blast just as one of my assailants pulled
the trigger and came around swinging. I punched one attacker in the throat
and he went down with a crushed windpipe. A third came up behind me and I
swung my right arm backwards and struck him in the chest right over his
heart, I actually put my weight behind the attack witch is very awkward to
do backwards and stopped his heart.

The three left included the group's leader, she was a rather petite woman
actually. They took up firing positions next to eachother to keep from
accidentally hitting eachother with the cross fire. They probably wanted to
capture me initially and not just gun me down.

I dove behind a nearby fire hydrant as they let loose with their shotguns.
Its pretty shitty cover, but it kept me alive for another few seconds. From
a crouching position I dove into a roll and snatched up one of their
shotguns as I tumbled past it and came up shooting. Thanks for the shotgun
training Ron. Unfortunately the damn thing jammed, although I finally had an
opportunity to pull my A.S.P. while they got a bead back on me. I rolled
into an alley for cover and began firing back with my little 9mm when Molly
showed what a good girl she was. She had snuck into an open window and
called the police who arrived a few minutes after the firefight had started.

Kolya · Post by **Kolya** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:06 pm

Good work Bert. Who was behind it, do you have any ideas?

That could only have been better if you actually did all that without destroying Molly's ice cream cone

Ron Caliburn · Post by **Ron Caliburn** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:42 pm

You jammed a shotgun? Operator must not have taken care of it.

Bert_the_Turtle · Post by **Bert_the_Turtle** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:29 am

Might've been a confluence of things. Bad Ammo, poor maintenance, the ice cream cone fragment I found in it...

I carried her back to the Ice Cream place and replaced our losses an hour later after the Officers were done with us.

Kolya · Post by **Kolya** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 3:48 pm

What kind of ice cream cone were you eating?

Bert_the_Turtle · Post by **Bert_the_Turtle** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 3:55 pm

A stale one evidently.

Kolya · Post by **Kolya** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:34 pm

I knew you would make me laugh, Bert.

Bert_the_Turtle · Post by **Bert_the_Turtle** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:53 pm

I aim to please.

Kolya · Post by **Kolya** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 5:17 pm

Bert_the_Ambiguous_Turtle

Ron Caliburn · Post by **Ron Caliburn** » Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:36 pm

Was it a manual or an auto?

Kolya · Post by **Kolya** » Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:18 pm

I bet on auto.

Bert_the_Turtle · Post by **Bert_the_Turtle** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 4:12 pm

Auto.

I didn't get to inspect it afterwards so I can't say what exactly went wrong.

Ron Caliburn · Post by **Ron Caliburn** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:36 am

Maybe a fouled gas port.