FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES HIRE FORTUNE TELLERS!

Tabloid Hound · Post by **Tabloid Hound** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:22 pm

I ran across this one the other day, can anyone provide any validity or insight to this tabloid?

FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES HIRE CORPORATE FORTUNE TELLERS
- to predict market swings!

THE MOST valued employees in many Fortune 500 companies aren't salesmen, market analysts or accountants -- they're fortunetellers!

And more and more corporate bigwigs are turning to the supernatural to see their companies through America's ongoing economic slump by putting clairvoyants, astrologers and palm-readers on the payroll.

"At this point, corporations are willing to try anything to keep their heads above water -- and that makes fortune tellers good business," says the CEO of a company that hired a spell-casting gypsy to help bump up sales.
"If sticking some pins into a voodoo doll of a competitor's president brings us more revenue, we're going to do it," she says.

"If looking into a crystal ball is going to tell me when to make capital investments, cut salaries, jettison a few secretaries, or dump inventory, that's what I want done."

Hiring fortune tellers to help with market forecasting is nothing new --big firms in virtually all sectors of the economy have dabbled in the occult on and off for years.

Even first lady Nancy Reagan consulted an astrologer to help her schedule meetings for President Ronald Reagan at times that were most auspicious for him.

But the latest economic downturn -- coming as it does on the heels of one of the most enduring boom times in history -- has sparked an explosion of interest that business analysts admit took them by surprise.

"Practitioners of Occult Services -- fortune tellers -- are in as much demand as computer programmers and Internet whiz kids were in the 1990s," says one Manhattan-based corporate headhunter who has placed dozens of what she calls "oracles" with firms in the Big Apple.

"And they're getting paid even more than the techies. We're seeing an average annual salary of $260,000. And with perks and incentive bonuses, the actual take-home figure is closer to $750,000.

"These are average compensation packages for average fortune tellers. If you're really good at what you do, and the company cuts losses or sees profits based on your advice, you can write your own ticket.

"And a seven-figure salary in the millions is nothing for these big corporations to pay."

With cash like that flying around, charlatans and crooks are jumping on the bandwagon, offering cut-rate psychics (CRPs).

One such company claims to have won over hundreds of loyal customers by offering limited-service fortunetellers to small, cash-strapped businesses, on the cheap.

"We call ourselves commonsense psychics and we rely as much on whim and notion as anything else," says a company spokesman.

"We might not be able to predict tomorrow's headlines today, but talking things over with us certainly seems to make our clients feel better.

"The fact that they're still in business -- and we're still here, too -- tells me our future is bright."

Dennis Haverstand · Post by **Dennis Haverstand** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 3:53 pm

Are those income numbers accurate? If so, I should get some green silk for my Tarot cards and consider a career change!

The Traveler King · Post by **The Traveler King** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:25 am

Don't get too excited. The future isn't fixed. Too many variables complicate matters. In any case, my BS detector is going off. And if that's the case, I'm sure Debunker's has exploded and needs to be replaced.

BraveSirRobin · Post by **BraveSirRobin** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:57 am

it needed to be replaced anyway...

Debunker · Post by **Debunker** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 4:18 pm

Laugh it up then, my last laugh will come when you realize that this love affair of yours with the supernatural was an absolute waste of your time.

The Traveler King · Post by **The Traveler King** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:56 pm

Debunker wrote:Laugh it up then, my last laugh will come when you realize that this love affair of yours with the supernatural was an absolute waste of your time.

Amazing. Even when one of us takes a position you are likely to agree with, you answer like this.

Debunker · Post by **Debunker** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:52 pm

The Traveler King wrote:
Debunker wrote:Laugh it up then, my last laugh will come when you realize that this love affair of yours with the supernatural was an absolute waste of your time.

Amazing. Even when one of us takes a position you are likely to agree with, you answer like this.

Actually, I do owe an apology on that one, being so single minded and hopelessly outnumbered on this site, I'm prone to raise my guns at any mention of me. You have my apologies.

The Traveler King · Post by **The Traveler King** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:27 pm

Apology accepted. As I've said before, I approach things from the skeptic's perspsective. It's part of standard procedure in my department at REC. We eliminate the mundane before focusing on the supernatural. I'd say probably 98% of the things we look into turn out to be with mundane causes, if not outright bogus. It's the remaining 2% that fuels our work.