i could not fond ma gloves but i done butchered da dead porkers neeway. an after i got done butcherin em i went inside ta finish watchin ma wrastlin tapes. ged dam tape player wasn workin. i called slim ova to have a look see an while i was a waitin on his dumass i saw a bit of news. some floaters done turn up missin today, but day was floatin yesserday. they canoe was foun on a small beach long their float root an a few cans left from a 30 pack of hi-life was foun in da canoe but i reckon the rescuers helped theyself to summa em. no other evidence of da floaters was found.

cordin to da news lady da floaters put dere canoe in bout 3:30 yesserday in the P M fer da last float of da day. if day was a floating at a fast pace they woulda rived at the beach where dere canoe was foun in about 15 minutes. day was the only ones a two crews to put in at 3:30 cording to the canoe rental companys records. da other crew says dat day don know nothin bout the missin floaters tho. no one else was on da river at the time, cept some local fisherman but they was a bit further downstream from the beach, and they did not see anyone or anything no how sept the second batch a floaters. when it started to rain day went insad.

the identities were not given, but they was three of em, all in collige or somethin ike at. youngens anyways.

anyway slim and skeeter an i are gonna join da rescuers a sweepin da forest round were da canoe was foun an elp look fer da bodies. prolly gots a lil too drunk an stopped off at beach an wandered inta the forest ta walk or sleep it off. lordy knows i donnit hunreds of times. fact, nancy sleepin it off hisself. seems he kept drankin even afta da huntin trip. afta we look fer the bodies we gonna bbq up summa dem porkers. day already butchered an boned out an everythang. all ready ta go. eeew weee gonna be sum good eatin tanite yall.

how yall are?

we combed da hole era an we aint foun shit. imma headin on don to da sandbar cos skeeters done bbqed up summa dem porkers i keelt da utter day.

noob says nancy will not join cos is fever still not broke, but nancy already said he aint goin don to da sandbar no how. ats ait cos at means mo bbq porkers fer us. fan boy panty waste.

neeways catch yall later na.

Wasn't there a zomby outbreak in michigan recently? You might want to keep extra close tabs on anyone who frequents the rivers for a bit. Also, if you could check up on the doctor who inspected the body that walked out of the morgue.

If you see any violent mood swings in your friends, or aquantances Scotty, make sure you contact us. I may be able to get some help into the area fairly quickly if my fears prove well founded.

There may be no way to cure a victim of Solanium infection, but the outbreak can be taken care of, and the spread stopped.

IMPORTANT!!! - if anyone tries to grab you and then bite you, destroy the brain by whatever means necessary.

Mr. Ransom wrote:You may need to stop playing Resident Evil.

But it's so much fun.

In all seriousness, be careful. While most of the time it is exactly what you suggested, there is always the chance they stumbled into something unexpected and dangerous.

Well we can hope for the sake of Scotty and his friends, that nothing of the sort will happen.
But considering there is a apparent Zombie outbreak going on elsewhere, it could be wise to be careful.

Thankfully they are not common, and there are several differant types. Some that are animated by a Magic user, others that are animated by a surge in P.P.E., and then there are the ones that are animated by a Pathogin. Thankfully they are the rarest, or they were.

You are also forgetting that it could be the obvious, there is a rampant drug trade that happens in backwoods. There are parts of Kentucky's national parks that you don't go into because you might not come back out. It simply could be that they stopped for whatever reason and stumbled on someone's pot farm.

As for undead there are so many different versions of them in lore that it is hard to keep them straight. Not including the ones that have been discussed, there are cowards that raise from the battlefield, flesh eaters that consume flesh to survive, the far east undead that use mystical arts to keep themselves healthy, and a few others that I can't remember.

After the incident in lower West Virginia with the slug, I did research trying to find what could do that to people. The shear volume of myths and legends I found was insane. If it is undead you are dealing with, half your battle will be trying to figure out what kind of undead it is.

Perhaps Mr. Ransom, you would like to volunteer for a few "experiments" that I have knowledge of.

Before you dismiss another person's statements as false out of hand you might want to check and see what information they are basing their statements on.

As for my information, I have worked on a few projects that remain classified in my time.

ol maude aint gots but one toof. an she always takes out er fake uns when she git in da mood. be ait if she jus sorta gummed me ike a baby ona nipple or i gots ta slap da iron claw or da camel clutch on er and git er down fer da 3 count if she gits ta nawin ma thang?

Ewww. Scotty that is just way to much information. Please keep the details of your love life to yourself.
I am going to have nightmares.

i aint een git started on peelin off da spandex....

Okay, I think that is enough of "As the Spittoon Fills" for one day....

Have they heard anything else about the two that disappeared?

i aint seen nuthin on da news sense den an i watch it regular na at day git that news lady don her from st. louis.

i was jus at da walmarts an i aint heard nuthin there. skeeter, slim, noob, nancy, and maself all takin our ol ladies out to ta chew and spew family buffet an we may hear some gossip dere.

i let yall know.

Scotty wrote:i aint een git started on peelin off da spandex....

I think you confused. Mummies all in wraps you can peel away but the zombies can dress in anything.

I enjoy killing the zombies (and the mummies if that is what you have). It would please me to participate.

Unless you just some drunk delusion guy. Then I would enjoy helping you with the delusions and get you sober.

He might very well be drunk, moonshine is powerful stuff from what I understand. But at this point we don't know exactly what is going on there other than the following (Scotty, please correct me if I get the details wrong:

1. A body showed up on the banks of the river and disappeared. It had no identification except a card that pointed Scotty to our site.

2. Two guys in a canoe disappeared along the river, while their boat continued on it's journey.

3. If the new post is understood correctly, hikers disappeared this weekend while walking a trail along the same river.

I would guess that there is something in the woods along the river or in the river itself. It could still be something like the pot farmers as I suggested, but I am figuring with all the attention that area should be getting from the police that it is now unlikely. So now I think we are looking at a crazy killer or possibly something along the lines we deal with.

I do not believe that we are talking about a zombie problem here. The trail just doesn't add up. I do think it might be time that someone from here investigates the area.

eeeea at soun bout rite.

but yall fergot dat pork-a-pine critter dat i blasted with ma ginny. nancy said came up at im rite out da water.

as i recall too da trail overlookin the river bout oh 10 a 12 mile as da crow fly from da sandbar. snakey river doe. so longer if ya goin ba boat, mebbe even 20 mile doe canoe an good paddler can make it real easy.

The creature, was it tiny and eel like with a bunch of tentacles?

If this is happening in Michigan, and I live in northern Illinois... I got enough problems with missing kids in the woods and this creepy doll. Does it always seem overwhelming when you start actually having your eyes opened to the supernatural?

Scotty and Nancy and all the guys live in the Washenton County in state of Missouri.

It does not seem overwhelming at all. It is overwhelming.

how yall are?

ya fine me at berts automotive salvige yard. brang a wrench an ya might find something ya need.

ewww weee caint wake fer dinner time ta roll round yall and head on out ta da chew and spew family buffet. mashed taters, stakes, bakes beans (beans beans the musical fruit da moe you eat da moe you toot), fraid chicken, and desert ike ya caint beleeve. you think ghosts real? try tha desert, ewww weeee, at some unbuleevable shit rite der. hell, try lookin at a picher a maude when she was a 20 year old an den look at er now. eww wee i let a vampire sink it teeth in ma ass bafore beleevin at.

Scotty, hi,

Please notify one from us here your precise location when the vampire bites you.

In the meantime, I think maybe you have something you want to talk about? We can move to the private realm if you like. I am concerned that your mental health is failing.

Kalle I think we can rule out vampire also. The boaters were renters which means they had to be operating during business hours. It may have been late, but it wasn't dark yet.

While this is disturbing news, we still are not sure exactly what is going on right now. I would be very interested in seeing a photo of the creature Scotty and his friends killed, a body would be even better.

Any chance of that Scotty?

I tend to doubt it DarKnyht, as Scotty stated that it desolved into a rather nasty looking goo after it died.
I agree that I don't think we are dealing with a Vampire issue here. Thou I think Kalle was trying to be funny, in response to Scotty's attempt at humor. Or perhaps she was implying Scotty has some other issues she thinks he needs to deal with? I am not going to try to even touch that idea unless, or until I meet Scotty in person.

how yall are?

we was at the chew and spew family buffet and all i heard was the spoons scrapin the pans diggin out taters, mac in cheese, and so forth. clem the manager heard nothin, worthless sum bich. if is daddy woddint da sherff. neeways nancy made it seems da fever broke but he git da food poisonin er sumthin ike at an took is ol lady widdem an left. i told im 'ay, i take yer ol lady home, nancy' smilin tryin to be helpful but she said itd be ait if she jus wen wid nancy.

no one even seems to remember bout that dead feller from mitchagain round her.

Logos wrote:

OK, if you're going to say it every - single - time you open your mouth, it's "How are ya'll", or even more tolerably, "How is everyone?"

Ugh... with that out of the way...

So, what you're saying is that Nancy no longer has a fever?

and who got food poisoning and took his "ol' lady" with him?

I hope that I don't force you to strain yourself, but could you try to use some grammar? Sorry, too harsh? Well, if you need me to, I'd be happy to get a copy of Grammar for Dummies as consolation.

ewwww weeeee we gots a firecracker boys.

jus ike a woman doe, donnit lissen. i only say 'how yall are' on occassion, course you hearin ike you wanna hear it. es ok, ol scotty been wid maude long nuff ta be used ta da womans jawin.

so ets git on don ta business. eeeeap, ol nancys fever broke cording ta noob neeway but i mean ta smile if ol nancy didden look peekkid. noobs ait doe, he generally knows wha da fuck he talkin bout. its skeeter ya caint trust less its widda bbq grill an some chikkens or porkers. eww wee da jackass can bbq up some shit.

neeways, nancy git da food poisonin bout 5 10 minute inta dinner, barely eat his ged dam grits bafore he start bichin bout is stamuck hurtin. so he take is ol lady home widdem ta tend ta is winin ass.

lady, a am usin grammar. ged dammit. ya see ma periods and whattun? go on an git yaself da book doe, i don care no how wha you read in ya spar time. git yaself a lifetime subscripshun to womans day fer all i care. maudes got ers layin all round da trailer.

Logos don't waist your time, you would have better luck talking to a brick wall.
Scotty has there been any other strange events happening near by? And please I don't mean anything that happened between you and your wife in your Bedroom, or anywhere eles for that matter.