Ok, so it wasn't nearly as bad as the title makes it out to be...

I got there friday evening, and by the time I got in, there was already a pretty good grouping of folks meeting, creating dialogue, and setting things up for the training that was to come. I was surprised at the setup. The camp in the middle of the desert was really impressive to behold, with all the gear, equipment, and everything else that happened to be there. Let's just say that Bert's military background was apparent when looking at everything. I went ahead and started helping with the unpacking, and got to meet Bert at that point... He's an interesting fellow.

You can say it. I'm nuts.

It was good to finally meet Koralth. Of course it wasn't long before he said something that made me want to smack him upside the head. I ended up doing that a lot those four days.

I was informed by Gale that he was her favorite Victim er Sorry volunteer, when she needed to demonstrate a technique.
She was polite enough to get pictures to.

Haha! Yeah, his hand went up way too quick to volunteer to "assist" her.

and of couse all photos were for professional purposes only... riiiight.

Of course

Well the one of you wrapped up like a Mummy was funny.

She shot photos of that?! She promised that no cameras were going to be running while I was like that! Geez...

Actually Athena was the one working the camera, and she has a wicked sense of humor.

Didn't you know? Women are liars

Yeah... And while I can say that I didn't hear the stupid unnecessary little click they have digital cameras make, it really didn't bother me... And while I could say that the mummy incident was a huge waste of bandages... Let's just say, I didn't mind being her victim... What were the situations? Well, the part where I got 'shot' and had to be bandaged around my abdomen... That was fun... hmm... I got hit in the eye with shrapnel, and she wrapped my eye. And then there was the broken neck, where she had to strap me to the backboard, that was an amazing experience.

And the comments I made were totally worth the slaps, and the threats that she'd get her scalpel out while I was incapacitated...That only happened once, when I aptly stated that her neck looked stiff, and maybe she needed to be on the backboard, too... You can victimize me anytime, Gale!

no no no... Being hurt is only fun if you don't end up in the grave...

Listen you angsty piece of crap. Bert and co. ain't gonna submit to the likes of you, Evil Ben. If it comes down to it, I'm positive they'll stop you in your tracks... But they're going to try to save Real Ben, and maybe that other dude you've got hanging around in there... He seems pretty cool... And he's right. Horses do rock quite a bit. If I got my gig in downtown, I'D be the mounted officer... Not that guy who's name I don't even know... Who's been working the gig for longer than I've been an officer... He's a good guy, by the way... Real good with kids.

He he he he. Yeah, those first aid classes were great.

Oh, and Shadow, you mind forwarding me some of those pictures of mummy Koralth. They'd be great mementos.

I will forward your request to Gale and Athena. It seems they had taken quite a few pictures durring their time at the training camp.

They are not that evil or foolish.

I can see it now Bert's Private Militia camp, come on down and learn to blow shit up.* ** ***

*Participants are required to pay a $300 registration fee plus the cost of explosive material used.

**Participants may be considered a terrorist if skills taught at Bert's Private Militia camp are used outside of a controlled environment.

***Bert is not liable for any damage caused by smacks to the back of the head participants received while participating in camp, nor is he liable if you blow up shit you are not supposed to.

Dark, that's very shallow of you. We did so much more than just blow shit up. We discussed the PHILOSOPHY behind blowing shit up, too!

Heh, and now we see why the disclaimer about getting smacked upside the head. Again. =P

What can I say? It's all about doing what you're good at. If it's getting the crap beaten out of you for having a big mouth, you roll with it, don't fight it.

You certainly didn't, there are more than a few shots of Bert smacking you upside the head.

The comment about desert squirrels and him missing his woman was just too perfect. I couldn't help it.

Someone wise once said, "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

It seems Zack never got that memo.

I am alright with that. He saved me from receiving those smacks to the back of the head during the last week.

I had enough of that in middle school.

Yeah, I know. I'm actually not quite this giddy usually, if you can believe it. I guess I'm just excited to be part of something this... Big. I wanted to be part of the national guard, didn't go through . Not because of my physical abilities, but... Well, I dunno. I just wasn't cut out for it. Soon as I get back to work I think I'll feel more normal.

That's cool Zack. And if I weren't so tired and grumpy I'd have been less quick to smack you upside the head. But I was getting less rest than all of you.

Ah, geez.. I'm REALLY not usually that giddy... Promise.

Well, the day after we all got there, we all had some breakfast. It wasn't as bad as it looked, so we lucked out on that.

I was totally trumped by everyone on the hand-to-hand. I thought that my basic training would be enough to get me somewhere with the whole situation, but as it turns out? That's not the case here.

Turns out being a regular cop gave me SOME advantages when it came to the class for handgun training. I knew proper procedures, etc. and knew exactly what I was doing. I'm actually a pretty decent marksman with the handgun.

I don't wanna talk about assault rifle training... I STILL have bruises from that sucker. that thing's tough to handle!

My favorite, the first sword lesson... I challenged shadow to a DUEL before I knew how to hold the sword. He clearly knew what he was doing when he wielded his blade... *ahem*. Bert jeered quite a bit. Then Ghost told me to fight his golem, after correcting my stance. *ahem*... It didn't attack, only defend, which as it turns out? I was lucky. I couldn't get past it's sword. I thought about kicking it in the shins, but it's made out of rock, and I don't think it would have appreciated it, maybe severing my foot or something.

Oh, shoot. Be back in a few, guys. I gotta get going to the station. I've got an appointment to keep. Stay sane, all! Don't be like Zack!

Saying you were totally trumped in hand to hand is not giving yourself enough credit. I was lucky more than skilled, and I think everyone was taking it easy on me because of the wounds from my island adventure.

As for the assault rifle training, I had already learned my lesson about firing one of those and made sure I was shown how to hold one before firing. Still hit more low flying objects than targets though.