My Revelations
Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 3:26 am
There was a time between my escape from the compound and today I’m not proud of.
In my way, I’m still trying to pay my dues for the misdeeds I committed.
After I escaped I wandered a fair bit. I worked odd jobs; hitch hiked, and owned the clothes on my back and nothing else.
It was during that time I came into my calling.
It was also during that time I began serving my penance.
You see, growing up where I had, I didn’t really understand the way the world worked. I believed angels and demons were behind every action of me, and everyone else.
I got into a lot of fist fights with the other down and out people. I tried to tell myself I needed to beat the demons out of them so they could be productive – but really I was just a punk, angry at being separated from my friends and family and the only world I’d ever really known.
It was then that the demon found me.
The demon came in a bottle, or rather many bottles. What meager funds I could scrape together I gave over to the demon. I beat my fellow homeless in homage to the demon.
I finally hit rock bottom when I saw another bum approaching a little girl. In my clouded mind I envisioned he was a vampire, ready to pounce.
So I pounced him first.
When my brain turned back on, I was in the police station, ranting about demons while I was being indicted for attempted murder.
My lawyer decided to go for an insanity defense. The prosecution agreed so I could be institutionalized before I hurt anyone else.
It was in the institution that I met Gabrielle.
Gabrielle was a cast off. A severely disturbed girl who’s parents couldn’t put up with her any more and sent her to the institution.
She didn’t talk much . . . at least not to people anyway.
She did spend a lot of time talking to the ratty alley cat that she’d managed to coax in through a window one day.
The “doctors” recognized early on that I was dangerous. I was one of the more belligerent inmates. I was also fairly large and strong to back that up. What really scared them is the ease with which I picked up on things like security routines and tried to undermine the system.
This was because I’d studied under people who had endured the prisons run by the Japanese in WWII and the Vietnamese in the 60’s.
My rebellion had me on a short track for a “corrective procedure.”
But that’s when Gabrielle decided to talk to me.
Sort of.
“He’s not a crazy man Musta Fwuffahs, just sad.” She was talking directly at me, but the cat was between us.
“Poor man doesn’t know he’s not alone.”
I turned to her. I wasn’t sure what to say, for some reason, I couldn’t say anything.
“He doesn’t know what he’s s’pos’ta to do.”
Then she looked right at me. “Do you want to pet my kitty?”
It was almost like someone else was guiding me . . . I reached out and clumsily gave the mangy beast a pat on the head.
It was then that I stepped out of reality for a moment. I was outside, it was winter. The world was different, as near as I could tell; it was the future, the far future.
Gabrielle smiled at me, she was taller, stronger. Her eyes had changed from wild and uncomprehending to deep and wise.
“Why did you bring me here?” It was a dumb question, but I had to start somewhere.
“You grew up waiting for this. I am here to tell you that you can stop it from happening.”
“Stop what?”
It was then that the Apocalypse started. Flood and Fire, Snow and Ash, Hurricane and Earthquake all seemed to erupt at once. Reality itself flew apart and demons and devils of all kind stepped into the dieing world to rape and maim and pillage.
As I watched I wanted to scream but had no breath. I wanted to tear my eyes out but could not move. I watched the world end and fade into darkness.
Then I was back in the institution, holding a cat. Gabrielle looked at me. “You’ll take good care of Mustah Fwuffahs, won’t you? You pwomise not to let anything bad happen?”
I almost choked “I promise.”
She smiled at me then went back to her corner and started rocking.
Inside of me, for the first time in m life I had the answers to a lot of questions. For the first time I was thinking on my own. For the first time in my life, my eyes were open. For the first time in my life I wept.
It was several months before the doctors, amazed at my transformation, agreed to let me go.
As soon as I was out, with Mr. Fluffers in tow, I started my crusade to get rid of the real monsters before they could take the world to the dark future I had seen. It’s been 8 years since, and I have never looked back except to remind myself why.
I go and visit Gabrielle form time to time. She still doesn’t talk to me, but she will occasionally say something important to Mr. Fluffers.
I hope I can get her out of that place someday, but I can’t care for her on my own.
I hope each of you can meet your own Gabrielle.
Have a happy holiday.
In my way, I’m still trying to pay my dues for the misdeeds I committed.
After I escaped I wandered a fair bit. I worked odd jobs; hitch hiked, and owned the clothes on my back and nothing else.
It was during that time I came into my calling.
It was also during that time I began serving my penance.
You see, growing up where I had, I didn’t really understand the way the world worked. I believed angels and demons were behind every action of me, and everyone else.
I got into a lot of fist fights with the other down and out people. I tried to tell myself I needed to beat the demons out of them so they could be productive – but really I was just a punk, angry at being separated from my friends and family and the only world I’d ever really known.
It was then that the demon found me.
The demon came in a bottle, or rather many bottles. What meager funds I could scrape together I gave over to the demon. I beat my fellow homeless in homage to the demon.
I finally hit rock bottom when I saw another bum approaching a little girl. In my clouded mind I envisioned he was a vampire, ready to pounce.
So I pounced him first.
When my brain turned back on, I was in the police station, ranting about demons while I was being indicted for attempted murder.
My lawyer decided to go for an insanity defense. The prosecution agreed so I could be institutionalized before I hurt anyone else.
It was in the institution that I met Gabrielle.
Gabrielle was a cast off. A severely disturbed girl who’s parents couldn’t put up with her any more and sent her to the institution.
She didn’t talk much . . . at least not to people anyway.
She did spend a lot of time talking to the ratty alley cat that she’d managed to coax in through a window one day.
The “doctors” recognized early on that I was dangerous. I was one of the more belligerent inmates. I was also fairly large and strong to back that up. What really scared them is the ease with which I picked up on things like security routines and tried to undermine the system.
This was because I’d studied under people who had endured the prisons run by the Japanese in WWII and the Vietnamese in the 60’s.
My rebellion had me on a short track for a “corrective procedure.”
But that’s when Gabrielle decided to talk to me.
Sort of.
“He’s not a crazy man Musta Fwuffahs, just sad.” She was talking directly at me, but the cat was between us.
“Poor man doesn’t know he’s not alone.”
I turned to her. I wasn’t sure what to say, for some reason, I couldn’t say anything.
“He doesn’t know what he’s s’pos’ta to do.”
Then she looked right at me. “Do you want to pet my kitty?”
It was almost like someone else was guiding me . . . I reached out and clumsily gave the mangy beast a pat on the head.
It was then that I stepped out of reality for a moment. I was outside, it was winter. The world was different, as near as I could tell; it was the future, the far future.
Gabrielle smiled at me, she was taller, stronger. Her eyes had changed from wild and uncomprehending to deep and wise.
“Why did you bring me here?” It was a dumb question, but I had to start somewhere.
“You grew up waiting for this. I am here to tell you that you can stop it from happening.”
“Stop what?”
It was then that the Apocalypse started. Flood and Fire, Snow and Ash, Hurricane and Earthquake all seemed to erupt at once. Reality itself flew apart and demons and devils of all kind stepped into the dieing world to rape and maim and pillage.
As I watched I wanted to scream but had no breath. I wanted to tear my eyes out but could not move. I watched the world end and fade into darkness.
Then I was back in the institution, holding a cat. Gabrielle looked at me. “You’ll take good care of Mustah Fwuffahs, won’t you? You pwomise not to let anything bad happen?”
I almost choked “I promise.”
She smiled at me then went back to her corner and started rocking.
Inside of me, for the first time in m life I had the answers to a lot of questions. For the first time I was thinking on my own. For the first time in my life, my eyes were open. For the first time in my life I wept.
It was several months before the doctors, amazed at my transformation, agreed to let me go.
As soon as I was out, with Mr. Fluffers in tow, I started my crusade to get rid of the real monsters before they could take the world to the dark future I had seen. It’s been 8 years since, and I have never looked back except to remind myself why.
I go and visit Gabrielle form time to time. She still doesn’t talk to me, but she will occasionally say something important to Mr. Fluffers.
I hope I can get her out of that place someday, but I can’t care for her on my own.
I hope each of you can meet your own Gabrielle.
Have a happy holiday.