PSC27 wrote:HAITI SELLING OFF ZOMBIES
Undead work harder than the living, obey your every command, don't eat much - & MAKE GREAT NANNIES!
Psst . . . wanna buy a zombie? You can pick up some great deals on the undead from the Haitian government, which is trying to unload thousands of the walking corpses -- at less per head than you'd pay for a decent TV.

"Imagine having your very own slave who will mindlessly obey you, no matter what you order him or her to do," says a government spokesman.

"A zombie will work all day and all night if you want him to, everything from farm labor to house cleaning, and all you have to feed him is oat mush."

Haitian officials say they're turning to sales of the undead to relieve the critical over-supply of zombies, which is dragging down their failing economy even further. Haiti's upper- and middle- class population has shrunk to almost nothing, leaving hundreds of zombie servants unoccupied.

Meanwhile, voodoo priests continue to add to the zombie population, despite the glut of ghouls.

"The people are bitter and angry about their poverty, and they take it out on their neighbors by having them turned into zombies at the slightest provocation," says Haitian economist and social critic Alain Jean-David. "The surplus is running into the thousands -- I've seen estimates that it's as high as 12 percent of the population. The government is desperate to be rid of them before they start running amok."

Zombie prices start at a dirt-cheap $100, but for the next three months you can get an even deeper discount: Buy one, get one free.

Each zombie comes in its own packing crate with a certificate of authenticity enclosed. Instructions for care and feeding are included.

"The most important thing is to not give the zombie salt," says one expert. "It makes them totally uncontrollable, and they can become dangerous."

He also recommends keeping the zombie in a warm location at about 75 percent humidity, to approximate the climate it has grown used to in Haiti.

Low lighting is also recommended. "Zombies work best after twilight, under cover of darkness," he says, "although they can function adequately with filtered light. If you have a zombie housemaid, I'd suggest lowering the shades while she's at work. For gardeners or other outdoor laborers, be sure they are covered well with a hat and long sleeves and pants.

"No sunscreen, though -- unless you want their flesh melting off in your hands."

The government spokesman says zombies can be returned "no questions asked" within 30 days for a full refund, but zombie experts expect few returns.

"Zombies work extremely hard for little reward except a secure place to rest and their bowl of mush," says one. "Many zombies have been beloved family servants for generations, and have become almost like family."

That's how the Chevaliers feel about their zombie governess, Marie- Claire, whom they are turning over to the government for sale after more than 50 years' service.

"She raised me, she raised my children, and now she is raising my grandchildren," says Bertrand Chevalier, who has lost his family's plantation during Haiti's economic struggles. "We held on as long as we could, but we can hold on no longer. We are leaving our beloved country, and we hope that the government can find Marie- Claire a suitable position elsewhere.

"Our only hope is that her new master will care for her half as well as she has cared for us."

PSC27 wrote:Remember, these are voodoo xombies, not the zombies that we're acustume to. Research shows that the xombies will possably be releasted when the Voodoo priest dies.

Ron Caliburn wrote:

PSC27 wrote:Remember, these are voodoo xombies, not the zombies that we're acustume to. Research shows that the xombies will possably be releasted when the Voodoo priest dies.

Sounds like an easy solution ta me. Gotta purge the infection at the source.

Ron Caliburn wrote:Ta me it sounds like these guys are the source of the dark powers on the island. If they are indescriminantly creating zombies it's pretty obvious they have too much time to dabble.

PSC27 wrote:The priests and priestesses are also the healers, and protectors of the people, etc.

Silhouette wrote:My advice is to find yourself a good Hougan to bring with you. Your so called American "enlightenment" is liable to get you killed. Voodoo has many faces, both light and dark. Some practitioners are benevolent, and many are quite the opposite. Most of the bad ones are identified as Bokor and they are the ones who are famous for the death curses, zombies, and things like that.

Odds are if your a typical American as it sounds and you think that because you've seen "James Bond" and know that Baron Semedhi is one of their lords of the dead that your an expert, your going to wind up dead really quick.

I myself can name Agwe, Damballah, Ayida Wedo, Erzulie, Legba, Ogun, Ashada Boco, Carrefour, Congo Zandor, Dan Petro, Adjinaku, Cinu Jour Malheureux, Ghede, Loco, Ayizan, The Marassa, and Simbi along with the aformentioned Baron Semedhi and have a general idea where they all fit in with the extended pantheon of Loa... and I'm not a priest.

Get help before you mess with this.

Ron Caliburn wrote:Sounds like you're finally gettin' up ta somethin' productive.

Good luck.

PSC27 wrote:I would like to know what sounds so bloody productive about hunting something down and killing it.

Ron Caliburn wrote:'cause it's one less o' dem huntin' an' killin' us.

Ron Caliburn wrote:

PSC27 wrote:I would like to know what sounds so bloody productive about hunting something down and killing it.

'cause it's one less o' dem huntin' an' killin' us.

Woman arrested at airport with human skull in her carry-on
By Brian Haas and Macollvie Jean-Francois
South Florida Sun-Sentinel
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — He was a black man, in his 30s or 40s, buried sometime in the last year.

His skull still had pieces of dirt on it when it was seized Thursday by federal agents at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. It was found in a Miramar, Fla., woman's carry-on bag as she went through customs after her return from Haiti.

Federal officials arrested Myrlene Severe, 30, after she brought the skull from Cap-Haitien in a rice bag on Lynx Airlines.

She told investigators that she purchased the skull from a man in Haiti to use in religious ceremonies and had hoped it would ward off evil spirits, according to the federal complaint. Severe told them that she practices Vodou, or Voodoo, an African-Christian religion, with roots in Haiti, whose practitioners worship spirits that can heal and provide guidance.

Laws governing the importation of human remains are rigid, but they don't prevent a handful of such cases in South Florida each year.

"Human remains that are imported for proper medical or educational purposes are required to have a death certificate," said Zachary Mann, spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection. "Any human body parts that are imported for religious purposes are considered restricted importations and are seized."

Severe appeared before federal magistrate Lurana Snow in Fort Lauderdale Friday morning and later posted $100,000 bond. Severe, who is a legal U.S. resident, is accused of smuggling a human head without proper documentation, failing to declare the skull to customs and transporting hazardous materials. She faces up to 15 years in prison.

Severe could not be reached for comment. Ingrid Llera, a voodoo priestess who saw her at a January gathering of practitioners in Little Haiti in Miami-Dade County, said the Miramar woman is also a priestess. Llera, of Pembroke Pines, Fla., said Severe probably didn't know her actions were illegal.

"For her, she was doing something normal," Llera said. "Often, what people take for granted in Haiti, they might do here without knowing it's against the law."

Severe's neighbors knew she practiced Vodou, but never expected the arrest.

"It is pretty wild," said Guerlain Desrouleaux, 47, who is also from Haiti. "I was shocked."

Neighbor Shawn Jean-Charles, 18, said Severe's arrest only feeds the stereotypes about Haitians and Vodou.

"Not all Haitians do that," he said.

Perper said the skull appeared to have been buried for a year or less. The lower jaw was missing, he said, and the skull had "a very small bunch of hair sticking to it." It showed no signs of trauma or disease. Perper has called in a botanist to examine leaves and vegetation that accompanied the skull in the rice bag and to look for any exotic insects.

Perper said he had never seen a case like this in Broward County.
In Miami-Dade County, however, the medical examiner has the "Bone Room."

They are "usually skulls brought in for some religious purpose," said Larry Cameron, the office's director of operations. "We may get eight or 10 skulls a year."

Nearly every case comes from Miami International Airport, he said. Those skulls and bones end up in the "Bone Room," a room for all skeletal remains found in the county. Cameron said the remains are stored there until claimed by relatives.

Perper said his office will try and track down the man's family or where he was buried.

Rafael Martinez, an anthropologist and expert in Afro-Caribbean religions, consulted with Perper about the skull. He said skulls are commonly used in two prominent South Florida religions: Vodou and the Afro-Cuban religion called Palo Mayombe.

Martinez said that in Vodou, it is common for practitioners to put a human skull on an altar in the home dedicated to spirits of the dead known as gede. The spirits contained in that skull are thought to have a powerful, positive influence on one's life. In Palo Mayombe, human bones are often put into a ceremonial pot or nganga, for similar purposes.

"The belief is that the spirits of those people will help you in life, will do things for you," Martinez said.

But the use of skulls and bones, he said, can be seen in nearly all world religions. In Catholicism, for example, many relics are purported to be human remains of saints.

"People need to have an open mind about these things. We keep in our living rooms the ashes of our loved ones and that doesn't come across as unusual," he said. "We need to recognize these are all very valid religions. Very different, but very valid."

Eilonwy Solstice wrote:Thank you for sharing that story, Rowan. Maybe it was a near catastrophe averted, maybe it was an honest mistake. But the important thing, to me, is it shows you were keeping your eyes open. So again, thank you.