Alpenhorn Rag wrote:Memorial Night “No Joke, No Questions Asked” Deal Marred by Strange Murder

By Jordan McDonnelly

June 2, 2012

The night following Memorial Day Holiday was no joke for superintendent Jon Hammerlind. For the last two weeks before the holiday, Hammerlind had advertised an unusual deal for the first night after North Bridgeing City’s Memorial celebrations had ended. On May 28, starting at 8 o’clock in the evening and ending at midnight, he made available four prostitutes of the Hot Poker fame, to be “won” by the tenants in a drawing earlier that evening.

“It’s just a little something I do to show my appreciation to the armed forces,” he was stated as saying in defense of his actions. “My tenants are allowed to bring dates home any night, so long as they’re not too loud. But the night of the 28th is a special treat, as they don’t have to pay a single penny for the Hot Poker’s services. The winners didn’t have to accept my gift, either. A $25 cash prize could have been accepted in lieu of the lady.”

The “winners” were Bryce Paxton, Cory Sinclair, Mortimer Fulton, and Barbara Lemming. Lemming decided to take the $25.

“I don’t buy into that sort of rubbish,” she was quoted as saying. “I’m a single mother with a three-year-old boy to think about. What would I do with a ‘prize’ like that?”

By 11:39 that night, most of the prostitutes were filing out. However, loud music, accompanied by screaming, were heard 15 minutes to midnight in room 1408. The other tenants complained. By the time Hammerlind followed up, both the music and the screaming had stopped. The door was locked, so Hammerlind, at 11:52 pm, called it a night.

The door never opened again until four days later, when, coming to collect rent and hounded by complaints of a foul smell, Hammerlind used his own keys to open the door. What he found was a nightmare.

A nude, emaciated body was found on the disheveled bed. Dozens of slash marks, half an inch wide and three to five inches long, marred the victim’s face, perplexing coroner Mark Steffans. He could not be reached for comment, but an aide shared their own thoughts on condition of anonymity.

“It could have been an animal. The lacerations are spaced like a carnivore’s. But what could have drained the victim’s blood? It’s true that the body had enough injuries the victim could have bled to death, but where is all the blood? And why are the sites of the injuries slightly raised?”

Due to the graphic nature of the victim’s injuries, the details and pictures of those injuries will not be shown.

Hammerlind has not been formally charged, but is being held on suspicion of murder.

North Bridgeing legalized brothels and prostitution in 2004.

Alpenhorn Rag wrote:Superintendent Released, Murder Victim Identified

By Jordan McDonnelly

June 3, 2012

New evidence was brought to light earlier today, and the prime suspect of the grisly murder on the night following Memorial Day, Jon Hammerlind, 28, was released. Testimonies by tenants from both his apartment complex and various workers from the Hot Poker helped convince police they had the wrong man. Understandably chagrinned, Hammerlind was quoted as saying, “Heck yeah, I’m glad the police let me go. I’m not ready to lose my man card yet; not like that one guy in 1408.”

Among the claims that had Hammerlind released was Martina Clavitz, who claimed to have been with Hammerlind at the approximate time of the murder. The other claims were of an unidentified woman new to the area several nights before the murder. However, no two testimonies can agree as to what the mystery woman looked like.

Claims of the woman’s appearance vary widely, from “gorgeous redhead” to “pale and tragic-looking, with dark hair.” The only consensus seems to be that she disappeared the night following Memorial day. Police made no comment as to whether this strange, mystery woman would be added to the short list of suspects.

The victim was identified as Ron Caliburn, age 33. He was noted missing when he didn’t sign in for the “Fighting Man” competition in Virginia, Minnesota on June 1. He was expected to bring home the championship belt.