• Musing

Posted: **Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:02 am**

As I sit here trying to calm my mind I find my thoughts wandering to a harsh question. Have I gone too far in trying to do too much? I have fought three major duels in as many months, not including all the lesser incidents in that same time frame. Dym, helping rescue Hannah, and one I have not posted yet; I do not regret any of the actions I under took. I wonder if maybe I have pushed my mortal limits too much with these events. Tonight I almost killed a woman who has been more than than a friend to me my whole life, she is my mother in action if not actual blood.

I almost don't trust my own eyes right now, but if I don't act in some way I could end up leaving my daughter minus a father. I almost think it would be best to move to another place... then I think of my friends here. I could not leave and then find out so e one died because no one was able to get to them. Or that a mage was needed to complete a ritual and one was not here to call on. I know I am not the only mage on the forums, hell I know I am not hte only mage that works with the Society. I just need to vent, I am still seeing her reflection in my moniter. She almost seems to be accusing me of what happened to her... I did what I had to do to prevent an evil from spreading, to save my child.

Seems hollow to say when it was my hands that killed her.

Michael T.

Posted: **Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:10 am**

Who did you killed Michael?
Trust me I have at least some clue what you have been dealing with, as I too have been very busy of late.

Posted: **Sun Jun 29, 2008 2:12 pm**

Michael, all I've been seeing from you is this:
"Am I going crazy?"
You probably are.
Get some professional medical help.

Posted: **Sun Jun 29, 2008 4:38 pm**

Medical help skeptic? I already know what they would do. I would rather trust Shadow and Dr. Rosencrest before any other medical personel. I know you do not have the proof you need to prove that the paranormal exist, how many doctors would even consider it?

Posted: **Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:24 pm**

Sometimes it is good to take some time to step back away from it all and gain perspective. Everyone knows I have to do it every so often. We deal with some strange stuff out there and we all get changed by it somewhat.

We all on here seem to be magnets for trouble, either by choice or by fate. Whomever the good guys are seem fit to place us on the front lines because apparently we are the best they have (god, thinking I am the best there is a depressing thought). But I don't think we are expected to go until we literally drop. Take a vacation. Speak with a priest, shaman, monk, or whomever can help you cope with current events.

Posted: **Mon Jun 30, 2008 7:42 pm**

Trouble follows those who have had a contact they were unable to rationalize away. Not sure why, but once a person experiences an "event" and believes that it "could be true" they will begin to experience events at an increasing rate, either through psychological trauma (false events reported for years after) or through some kind of "scent" the nasties can home in on.

Michael, if you want I can set you up an appointment with the doc me and the boys use to keep our heads straight - she does not let on if she believes the stuff or not, but she is quite good at treating PTSD and combat related mental disorders.

Posted: **Mon Jun 30, 2008 10:49 pm**

Thank you for the offer Logan, but I have more on my plate again. I will deal with my issues soon, some have priority. Like a chicken shit named Dym, round one was almost all it took Dym. Care to finish our dance with out endagering innocents?

Posted: **Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:02 am**

I may not be able to offer much aid that the society as a whole can utilize, but they spend a fortune on a private shrink who has the right sort of memory for the job. (Remembers everything about you to your face, uses the "doctor patient confidentiality" dodge when I am trying to check up on my men.) I can at least pass her number along, as headshrinks that don't assume we are nuts as soon as we start to talk is hard to find.

Musing

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