I'm in...a really precarious position right now... I don't know what I believe in, anymore. I am, however, ready to accept that my recent bout with disbelief has probably been the result of Gabriel's death...

Let me elaborate a bit... The night that Pendragon came over, however long ago that was now, Gabriel and I performed a ritual to summon Claw. We expected Khavik to come along for the ride, and we weren't disappointed. We were ready for him, for the most part...

A while back, Michael T had given me the scale from an actual living dragon, something I didn't realize existed anywhere at all... It was apparently a gift from the dragon to me--I still don't fully understand the how or why of it, but I accepted it for what it was at the time...

When Khavik appeared in front of me, I didn't waste time. I used the scale, playing my one trump card... I shapeshifted into a dragon, taking up a good chunk of the courtyard in the middle of all of our townhouses...

Khavik moved, but Gabe moved just as fast. Gabe hit him with a strong blast of life energy... It all but brought him back to life--made him capable of feeling pain, made him feel the need to breathe, feel a heartbeat, temporary loss of regeneration, etc... Really nasty thing to do--couldn't've happened to a better guy.

So anyway, as Khavik is reeling from that, I start to tear into him...and then Claw struck. His spiritual form rose out of his blade, and tore into me as hard as he could. I could feel the corrupted energy pouring from his form, could feel it tearing at him from the inside... What was worse, that energy made him capable of physically hurting me, even with the armored scales I had...

Khavik was rather effectively tearing Gabe a new one... After...after he had stopped being a shadow, he hadn't been terribly skilled at fighting, anymore... I knew I had to help him, and that meant I had to get through Claw... I did the first thing that came to mind. I grabbed Claw, and melded with him at the same time... I knew it was risky, but I was desperate.

The negative energy, the necromantic toxins in his body, immediately began attacking me as I added Claw's power and energy to my own... The pain was absolutely crippling. I had myself convinced I wasn't hurting from the original transformation, but it was a lie... I hurt from my spirit out. Then I added the energy of a second dragon to myself, and that alone made me feel completely immolated... Add to that the negative energy and the spirit-toxins, and I couldn't think straight...

The corrupted Claw took advantage. He took control of me, absolutely and completely, and turned towards my home... Lex was there in the window, watching with the dolls... I don't think she realized what was about to happen, what Claw was about to do...

What Claw never did, because of Gabriel. I felt Gabriel's spiritual form enter my body from behind, Khavik landing on my back a moment later as he gave chase... I felt Gabriel burning away at the corrupt negative energy, heard Khavik give a triumphant chuckle... Bastard thought I would destroy my own home and family. He didn't think Gabe would clear away the corruption fast enough.

Gabe surprised us all, though... He...sacrificed himself. He burned away every last bit of energy he had, destroying his spiritual self entirely, in order to cleanse the corruption from within Claw and me... He was gone. Completely and utterly gone.

Khavik never knew what happened... I tore into him fast and hard in the few seconds I had before my energy ran out completely... He was in obvious agony when I fell to my human hands and knees... His left leg was evaporating in one part of the courtyard, the right half of his torso was crumbling away in another part, his right leg had been crushed, and half of his face had been burnt away... The best part was, the fucker felt every last bit of it...

The worst part was, I had him... I fucking had him, right there, and I didn't have the energy to fight...to finish him off. I collapsed, and when I managed to raise my head again, he was gone.

Gabriel was dead, and Khavik had gotten away... There wasn't even evidence of the fight, save for the shreds of my clothes and the shattered remnants of the dragon scale...

I convinced myself it hadn't happened. It was easier that way. I convinced myself that the supernatural had never existed, that none of my experiences had actually happened...

Lex kicked my ass for it, but...but I couldn't accept any other "truth" right then...

For what it's worth, these past couple of months have been some of the quietest I've had in quite a while...

I can't do anything with it right now, but...I appreciate it nonetheless...

Ron's in more immediate need at the moment, but...if you could, sometime, that'd be great... I've kept my own wards up, too...but I don't know how much energy they have on their own right now...

Damn dude. this happened after I left?
My sympathies for your loss of Gabriel. I wish I could have helped.

Several people have said they wish they'd been involved... Gabe and I made the decision to do it alone. Every time Khavik's been involved, someone's died. We didn't want it to be Claw or anyone else. It was our fault he managed to get ahold of Claw in the first place; it would've been stupid to get someone else killed over it.

I guess Gabriel thought he had less to lose than I did...

Gabe knew then that he was going to die that night. He must have wanted to die with a clear "soul" and fix things between him and I.

Again, I am sorry. If there was ever a way to bring Gabe back, I would try it.


*walks off in shame*

Don't be ashamed, man... At least he got to clear things up between you and him. One less regret for him to die with...and I know he had plenty.

Our goal that night was a rescue, not a seek-and-destroy... I wanted to bring him down; I wanted it very badly. But I also knew that there were too many innocents in that area as it was... Everyone who's been in my house knows that just standing on my front porch, you're staring at someone's back door, and can see the front porches of 9 other townhomes, all less than a minute's jog away from my front door, and that doesn't count the two on the other side of our unit, or all the ones on the other sides of the units you can see, or the units across the streets. We're packed damned near like sardines... I'm just glad I was able to keep Khavik from harming any of them.

Had too many of us been there, he would've used his vampiric gifts to turn us against each other while he went off and had a feast on the innocents...and then we'd be mourning a helluvalot more than just Gabriel's passing.