Lazlo Society - Disapearance - Cybermancer

[Nemesis]

Having no memories and sense of the future must have made moving around in realm of the folk very difficult for you.

-Cynthia

[Tms3]

Not to say any thing dangers for any one with out a vary strong since of self

[Cybermancer]

It's true. I was trapped in my own little world and quite unable to escape for some time. Both due to my lack of temporal perspective and lack of a sense of self. I was very much, starting over again. And it seemed a slow road.

That was far from being the last time that Maddie would visit me. The next time she stopped by she had more of the same sort of food as last time but she also had cherry hard candy, which I liked very much. I ate it first but the other food didn’t taste as good afterwards.

While I ate, she seemed to be in the mood to chat, “Maitiu, what happens here when I leave?”

“Well last time your light lingered for a bit and I ate. Then it was dark and I think I slept. And then it was just dark. And then you came back.” I chewed on some fresh bread, “I didn’t think you would but you did.”

“So you didn’t believe I’d return?” She asked with an appraising look.

“Naw.” I shook my head, “I just didn’t think about it. I don’t really think about anything that isn’t happening right now.”

She smiled faintly, “you remind me of a story. About a boy who never grew up.”

“Can you tell me the story, Maddie?” And she did. About a boy who never grew old and who fought with pirates. And one time there was a girl but I thought that was yucky. Somehow I knew that Maddie wasn’t a girl so I didn't think she was yucky at all.

“It’s time for me to go again, Maitiu.” She stood up, forcing me off her lap as she did so.

“Aw!” I complained.

“I have things I have to do.” She said firmly. “But I’ll come back and next time I’ll bring you some books with more stories in them.”

“Will there be more sword fights?” I asked eagerly.

“Yes,” she nodded.

“And pirates?” I pressed.

“Yes,” she said with a smile. “Now be a good boy until then.”

Then she left and with her, went the only light in my life.

[Cybermancer]

“How are we today, toy maker?” She asked when she arrived an unknown amount of time later.

“Why do you call me toy maker?” I asked as I blinked the sleep out of my eyes. It was the first time I remembered her calling me that but I was sure she had before, somehow.

“Because it’s what you do, Maitiu.” She said as she sat down cross-legged and unwrapped the bundle she had brought for me.

“I don’t think so.” I said with some doubt. Then I gestured around the room, “if I made toys, where are they? And what did I make them with?”

She looked around. “I suppose you’re right. A toymaker needs a workshop.” An ironic smile crossed her face, “and I think I know just the person to ask for this little elf’s workshop.”

“I’m not an elf.” I said with confidence. I began to eat, again starting with the candy. It didn’t occur to me that eating the candy first would make the rest of the food taste less appealing.

“What are you then?” She asked.

“A lost boy.” I said “Like from the story.”

“Hmmm.” She nodded. “So you are.” Then she reached into her bundle and pulled out a book. “I brought something for you to read.”

I took the book and opened it. I flipped until I saw a picture then I would study the picture and then flip through the pages until I found a new picture.

She was staring at me with a curious expression, “why aren’t you reading it, Maitiu?”

I shook my head. “The letters don’t make any sense, Maddie. They’re all… I don’t know, wrong.”

Maddie frowned and took the book from me for a moment. “It’s in English.” Then she handed it back to me.

“If you say so.” I shrugged, looking for the next picture. “I just can’t read it.”

Her stare was very hard for a very long time and I thought that perhaps I might be in trouble. Finally, she took the book from me and flipped it back to the first page. “The Old Sea-dog at the Admiral Benbow…”

As she read, I climbed into her lap, something she didn’t seem to mind. Occasionally I would pet the fur on her legs. It was course fur, like a goat.

[Cybermancer]

A new voice woke me. It was male and chortling happily.

Cracking my eyes open, I saw that my world now had light. That usually meant that Maddie was present. Instead was this imposing older man with a white beard and clad all in green.

The light, I saw, was provided by torches. I’d never seen them before but I recognized them for what they were.

It was no longer damp in my world anymore either. Additional light and warmth was provided by a fully stocked forge.

There were tables, benches, a drafting table, chemistry and alchemical paraphernalia and tools of every type. There were also raw materials from wood to metals (but no iron). Nothing modern or that you’d see in a lab that was less than a hundred years old. And I knew every item there and its use.

“Thank you mister!” I exclaimed.

He hitched his thumbs into a wide black leather belt and regarded me with a smile, “she was right, you are a polite boy.” He ruffled the hair on the top of my head. “your welcome, Maitiu but this is not free. You’ve earned it of course though you don’t know why yet. And you will continue to earn it.” He bent his knees and brought his bulk down so that he was eye level with me, “how would you like to make things for the people that live beyond your world?”

I grinned at him, happy to finally have something to do, “Yes, I would like that very much, mister.”

Nodding with approval, “good, good. Soon there will be people by and they will make requests of you. And they will leave you things in return. You must never do two things. You must never refuse to make something requested of you and you must never refuse the payment for anything you do. You shall receive no gifts while you are here and you are to give none either. All debts must be settled, do you understand?”

I nodded. Though I would have worked for free just to have something to do, what he was saying seemed fair. “Thank you again, Mister.”

He smiled again in a patient manner. “And that is the last time you should thank any one you meet here who is not like you. To others it will seem like an insult, though I know it is not intended as such. And that is why all debts must be paid. You shall have no power over any beyond these walls and none shall have power over you. That is the agreement.”

I brought my brows together. “I didn’t make any agreement.”

“No, I guess you did not.” He smiled, winked and touched his nose and then was gone.

[Cybermancer]

Time, such as it was, went on. And I made toys.

Somehow, word had gotten out from my world to the world beyond. All manner of fey and creature came to me to make requests to build this or that. A popular request was for swords made of light. I ask you, how are you supposed to make a sword made of light? Well, I found a way but it would only work there.

I didn't refuse a single commission and I accepted every payment offered. Oddly, these payments were often requirements for other commissions. I wasn't exactly turning a profit with my work. Still, by careful measuring and scrounging and efficient work, I was able to come up with a little extra for myself from time to time.

One of my favourites was the clockwork chess set I made so I could play someone when no one was around. Another favourite was the scaled to my body size rapier I made for myself. I loved swords and holding one in my hand, I knew how to use it. I didn't remember ever having trained or having used one but my reflexes were honed.

Some of the requests I received were interesting in their own right. One of the hardest was the arm. That's right, someone wanted me to make them a functioning arm. Naturally it couldn't have been crafted from just any material though. No, it had to be made from silver. No doubt they thought I would simply create a mold of an arm and then pour molten silver into it and it would work.

I poured over my drafting table for untold hours working out every mechanism to make every joint and muscle move. Powering it and working out the control mechanism required that I cheat however. I'm not even sure how to explain it. Really, I might just as well say it was powered by sugar and spice and everything nice. The sort of thing only a child's mind could grasp and accept.

As I interacted with my customers, I would talk to them and them to me. They would tell me things of their world that I didn't understand. Apparently my world was in a bigger world that was all knowledge. And there was a portal between my world and that one called a door. Something I could not perceive but that they could use at their leisure. At one point I built a replica of this door that they described but I couldn't make it operate. Nothing could take me away from that place.

So instead I listened to their stories and tried to imagine what their world was like. There were clues to help me along the way as well.

For example there was what these 'people' were made of. When I looked at myself or Maddie, I saw solid corporeal forms. Just like you see every day. When I looked at them however, I saw energy matrices, lattices of potential not unlike snowflakes. From every angle, they were different. Some were densely packed with these snowflakes, like the jolly green man. Others had so few they were nearly transparent.

The structure of my cell and the things within it were also made of the same stuff as these people. That is how I figured out how to dismantle my shackles. I simply took them apart one snowflake at a time.

For some time my jailor kept reattaching the manacles while I slept. Not Maddie. She wasn't my jailor. I never saw my jailor. I was aware of them though. Somehow when I slept I knew they were there. I could feel their cold embrace around my ankles, anchoring me to the cell. Every time I slept there, they touched my dreams. It was like having your soul touched by pure darkness. My jailor was a creature of shadow, both there and not there at the same time. There and not there on multiple planes of existence.

Eventually my jailor stopped bothering with the manacles. But always they were there when I slept. And in the beginning, any time it was dark. I was alone and somehow they made me wish I could be more alone.

There was one nice little old lady who would come visit me. Each time she came, the payment was the same. Some string and some silver. Which would always be enough for her request which was always also the same.

She always wanted me to make a bell for one of her cows.

But the person I saw the most was Maddie. She always brought me food to eat and new stories to read to me. Some of the stories had pictures and some didn't but I liked them all. She would read and I would try to imagine things that I had no concept of, such as grass, the wind, the stars, the moon and the sun.

Sometimes I would fall asleep in her lap. Even though I was asleep, I always knew when she put me to bed and left.

Because that was when my jailor would come.

[Cybermancer]

Eventually, I don't know how long it was, someone else came to visit me.

At the time, I was working on a design for a device to capture darkness, much like the device I had to capture light. It was something I had been working on for some time but had yet to perfect.

There were footsteps, one slightly heavier than the other. And there was a voice. All it said was, "Hello?" All I heard was eternity in an instant. My heart stopped in my chest and I didn't know why.

The only person who had ever come even close to invoking that sort of excited reaction in me that I could recall was Maddie. So I assumed it must be her. "Maddie!" I hopped down from my bench and ran around the drafting table to see who it was.

It was a girl. A girl like me. Even more like me than Maddie was. Sure she was limping slightly but she had proper legs to stand on. Still, I was disappointed. “You're not Maddie.”

“No, I am definitely not Maddie.” She crouched down to eye level with me. “But I am Hannah. Who are you?”

There was something very strange about this girl. On one hand, I didn't remember ever having seen her before. On the other hand, I felt certain that we had met and knew each other quite well. She had brown/blonde hair, brown eyes and a face I would describe as being impish. Overall, she was waifish and made me think that she belonged with my other customers but I knew she was more like me than them. “I think my name is Gene, but some of the adults here call me Maitiu.” I cocked my head to the side, trying to see her from new angles, “Have we met?”


“Maybe or maybe we're going to meet some day. It's hard to tell around here. I'm just glad I figured out how to make sure whatever I was standing on was actually down.” She seemed sort of Blaze about discussing such peculiar physics.

“Yeah. This place is funny.” I agreed. “It's all made of snowflakes. But I'm not and you're not and Maddie's not. Maddie always brings me stuff like food and candy and toys. And sometimes she reads me a book. Did you bring me anything?” I gestured over my shoulder, “I have lots to trade.”

“I didn't bring you anything.” She said with some regret. “I didn't even know you were here. But I do know where there are lots of books. Do you want me to bring you one?”

“Will it have pictures?” I asked excitedly.

“I can get one with pictures.” She said with a faint smile. “What kinds of books do you like?”

I grinned and ran over to the forge to grab the rapier I had made for myself. I swung it this way and that, expertly engaging an imaginary foe. “Either pirates or knights or anything with swords!” I exclaimed excitedly.

“Hmmm.” She was thoughtful. “I think I know just the book. I'll be right back.” And just like that, she got up and vanished from my world.

I didn't know it at the time, but this girl was the same girl I had known in another time. This was the Hannah that Maddie had traded for safe passage thru the wood. In that we had something in common, we were both trapped because of Maddie.

[Hannah]

Which is why I knew exactly where to find Matt. The other me had written about him in the journal that she passed along to me. Yes she left out a few details, but she might as well have drawn me a map.

Of course we couldn't let Maddie know how close we were to rescuing him because she might have panicked and done something worse. That's also why we had to make a very failed attempt based on the information she knew we had.

That's why Dad, Darcy, Diana and Mel had to take their trip into faerie-land. That's why it was arranged for them to step off of the path. We knew Maddie would know they were there and would see the failure of their attempt to rescue Matt. Our hope was to lull her into a false sense of security.

It worked.

Still, I feel bad about deceiving some of the people who went into harm's way there. I just want to say I am sorry for lying to you and I hope to never ever have to do it again.

Hannah

[Cybermancer]

That other Hannah wound up visiting me quite a bit while I was there. When Maddie found out, she was pretty upset. I guess Maddie hadn't anticipated that there might be another Hannah she'd have to contend with.

There was some back and forth between the two with notes left behind that I couldn't read and so forth. At one point, Maddie wiped my memories of that other Hannah but it didn't deter her. She simply started over again from the beginning.

With her help, I was eventually able to escape from that cell and see the library beyond. Of course, I was still unable to read the books but I loved seeing them regardless. And beyond the library was the rest of the castle and grounds.

This exploration of the larger world also started aging me. I was developing a new past from scratch and encouragement from that other Hannah to find a way to escape from the castle and the fey realm meant that I was starting to picture the future. Not just picture the future but plan to take control of it.

But things changed.

While I was working in my shop, three people appeared there. My older sister, my god-father and of course the Hannah we all know and love. I didn't remember any of them although I recognized Hannah from her close (but not exact) similarity to the young woman who had been keeping me company and helping me in so many ways already.

The three of them assured me that plans were in the works to rescue me. They wouldn't be taking me with them on this trip, but very soon I would be leaving that place.

As soon as they left, I went to find the other Hannah and shared the news with her. I promised her that I would be back for her (a promise I had already unknowingly kept). She was both happy and a little sad at the same time. While she believed that I would keep my promise, she seemed oddly resigned to the idea that it would be a long time before it came to pass. Only now do I understand why.

While I was nothing but happy at the time, looking back I have some bitter sweet feelings over the whole thing. I know what continued to happen after I left. I know all that she would experience in that other time all the way to the end.

Looking back I realize that there are many things I would like to have done differently. Many mistakes and wrongs I would spare her if I could. A lot of pain I wouldn't want her to feel. A lot of time I wouldn't have wasted.

Life never gives us 'do overs' or 'mulligans'. For good or ill, what has happened in my past has happened and I can't change it. All I can do is learn from past mistakes and experiences and move forward while attempting to avoid letting them happen again.

[Hannah]

Hi Matt,

It was so good to see you there and so sad too. If we weren't worried that Maddie would have done something really crazy and desperate at the time we would have taken you home then.

Your presence was also a comfort to the other me and probably contributed greatly to some of the choices she made later, both good and ill. I'd tell you more but of course I'm not supposed to read that book again, ever.

You are right that you don't get 'do-overs' or 'mulligans' that erase what happened and let you start fresh, but sometimes you get second chances which let you take those previous failures and turn them into successes.

Hannah

PS: In my opinion though, you are very good at doing things right the very first time.