The new guy says Hi!

[Billy J.]

Howdy everyone. How is everyone today. I'm relitively new to the site, seeing how I created an account one night and never acually used it until now.

The name is William James Tucker. But my buddies just call me Billy J. for short.

I just want to say Thank You to all you brave men and women who not just stand the line against the things that go bump in the night, but take the time to listen to fellows like me when we got issues.

I know the stuff you face is real enough. Heck, I've seen a few things that would normally turn a sane fellows hair white and make him loose his bowels something fierce.

But lately, I have to say I am up to my eyeballs in trouble.

You see normally I travel around the state (Texas for you north folk)and surrounding areas searching for the truth in every shadow, and putting a cap in every ass.

But I have gotten myself into hell of a jam. I followed a lead that was supposed to lead me to a town down here in the southwest just chock full of undead things. I packed up and headed out with my usual posse; Clem, Bert, Joe, Hector, and T-Bone.

Well we find the place easy enough and set up camp near the cemetery. Where else can you find undead creeping about. Come that night, we found them sure enough. Ghouls, a butt load of ghouls.

We do a sweep of the cemetery, blow up a few crypts, and put half the place to the torch before this huge Dybuuk come out of nowhere and tears into us.

Hector goes flying into a wall, it lunges on him, and well, we'll miss Hector. Then Bert puts half a dozen .45 slugs into it at point blank range. Well it turns around, grabs ahold of old Bert and well, we'll miss Bert.

Anyway, we unload everythng into this thing and finally kill it. So we move this throwdown into the main street after burning down the church. Trust me, this was no holy house to The Lord Almighty I'll tell you what.

Then another wave of things come after us from everywhere. Left, right, above, in front, behind. I mean they were everywhere. We decided to drop a few more fire bombs and retreat, but Clem got cornered, and well, we'll miss Clem.

So all that is left is me and T-Bone. We look at each other, and high tail it the Hell out of Dodge. We get back to the truck when some dam vampire broad lunges on him and, well, we'll miss T-Bone.

Lucky for me Clem keeps the keys in the ignition and I managed to get the hell out of there alive. All I could see was one hell of bonfire back there in my rear view mirror. I never expected anything like that, but those unholy bastards got what was coming to them.

I'll miss my boys; Clem, Bert, Hector, and T-Bone. Wait...1.2.3.4

Dam it to Hell!!! I forgot Joe!!! I must have left him back there.
Well, we'll miss Joe.

Well thanks again for all you fellows do around here. You inspire folks like me to take shotgun in hand and say, " Stay the Hell out of Texas you sons of bitches! "

[skeptic]

Welcome to the club.
And may Ekaterina not read this post.

[Kelly]

Welcome to The Lazlo Society on behalf of all our members, administrators, and friends. Also I would like to extend a big thank you for joining us from the both the Society manin branch and Cypress Cove Annex.

Looks like we got another colorful personality here folks.

[Grace]

This is the finest example of a reason to work alone if I ever saw one.

[Joe Smith]

I had the exact same problem in a west texas town. Vampires had taken over a town and we were doing a movie shoot there. Contact the Texas Rangers....they do have a vamp fighting squad surprisingly.

I wonder if the two events are related....

[Holister]

The name is William James Tucker. But my buddies just call me Billy J. for short.

Well thanks again for all you fellows do around here. You inspire folks like me to take shotgun in hand and say, " Stay the Hell out of Texas you sons of bitches! "

I like this guy already. I don't think I'll ever go huntin' with this guy, but I like his attitude.

[Billy J.]

I'll tell you what, them some mighty fine meet & greets you folks done greeted me with. Mighty white of you folks.

Well, I've done gone did it again. Trouble just sticks to me like flies to horsepucky.

Well I'm crusin' along mindin' my own buisness along route 66 with this buddy of mine Chet and up ahead aways I see me a rest stop. Some nice good ol' fashioned titty bar with a half burned out sign and about a dozen bikes parked out front. Two semis and a big' ol Ford Bronco round the side. So I figures me "what the heck" and pulls on into the lot.

We get out and head all up inside when we see the damdest sight. These bikers guys and truckers are sluggin' it out with a couple of those vampiric bloodsucker types. I done think to myself, "Well hot dam, a titty bar and throwdown all in one place, how come this here place ain't perscribed by AAA?"

So's I grab my ol' double barrel sawd off and my machete and jump into the fray. Shotgun blast there, machete to the head there. I was havin' myself a grand ol' time until some Drakula lookin bloodsucker shows up and really turns this party into a throwdown. Suddenly Chet starts screamin and hollarin all over the place and well, we'll miss Chet.

I've gone and got me dead bikers, truckers, bloodsuckers, and strippers all over this place. Before I knows it I am the only one done eft standin' with a pulse and the God given common sense to get the hell out of that place.

So I ducks me behind the bar, start grabbin every low shelf bottle of booze I can get my hands on and start shovin bar rags into each of them. Before I knows it ol' fang face turns toward my direction and starts in with the whole " I will drink you dry " bullshit these bloodsuckers normally go an spout when they think they's in charge.

He starts walkin in my general direction, so I spit once, get from behind the bar and hurl me a flamin bottle of Jack right into that bastard's face. Never heard a bloodsucker scream like that. Guess he wasn't to keen on Jack so I hit em' again with some Old Turkey followed by some Walker.

So there he is, runnin' round all on fire and settin' everything else on fire, and standin' there with a bottle of McCallan in my hand when I done realize, THE FRIGGIN BAR IS ON FIRE!!!!

Shit, I grab my gun and my machete and high tail my sweet ass on up out of the place. I run back to my truck, jump in, and rev that 8 cylinder hemi up. Thats when ol fang face, who by this point looked like the BBQ rib special at Sugarfoots, darts out infront of my truck.
So I hit the gas, run his sorry undead ass down, and watch his head bounce off my windshield while what was left of his body got pulped up neath ol' Gertie's wheels.

So of course I have to stop and get me a souveneer and I'll tell you what, nothin' makes for a better hood ornament as a polished vamp skull gone done up and chromed.

Well, gotta keep on truckin'. Excelsior mi amigos.

[skeptic]

Sounds like a really good time...from dusk til dawn.

[Joe Smith]

Things like this are why I am starting to take a dislike to texas.

[Billy J.]

Sounds like a really good time...from dusk til dawn.

Aw hell no. It weren't nearly that long. It was only bout 30 minutes or so.