The other day I witnessed a near-traffic accident. A black lab was harassing a small animal -- perhaps a rabbit I thought. I saw some white in the small animal's tail and was horrified by the prospect that it might be a skunk. The cars were stopping for the two as they bickered across the road. Safe...

Sir, I am only trying to accurately depict the events that have affected me, both positive and negative. You seem incredulous at Mischa's attraction after witnessing my "oral rape" by a stray beach dog. Since when is love logical? Since when is passion reasonable? She claimed to have been charmed by...

Doc told me to eat more veggies. Dump the lard-fried chitlins and take up the salad fork, he said. I couldn't believe he said that to me! But your lipids are higher than Michael Jackson's screams at the height of orgasmic bliss, he scolded. He went on to tell me my liver was fatty and my breath was ...

That story about dogs licking toads brings back painful memories. I had just returned from Iraq, having defended our freedoms from a madman who had GASSED HIS OWN PEOPLE. Misha, my ex-wife, hadn't been replying to my emails and snail mails so I was worried. My heart was pounding as I walked up to ou...

Yes, it is true that Howard Stern is still on the air in many markets. However, he was immediately removed following my conversation with the Secretary of State. When I relocated to a new city, I was caught unprepared because Stern had NOT been removed there. It was a time of great anxiety for me. I...

When I got back from Iraq, I found my house in bad shape. Misha, my ex-wife, had abandoned it, leaving my beloved cat Larry to starve and dehydrate to death! The smell of feline decay hit me like pizza dough when I opened the door. I later found out Misha had returned to her exotic dancing and was "...